Another week without my cowboy.  I miss him more and more every day.  And Cliven..what I wouldn't give to get him home.  Somehow this mess has got to resolve.  I need my man home, and my kids need him.  It just gets harder and harder to carry on, and not feel like freaking out.
     So, I braved the Bundy Reunion alone, and I have been concerned and worried about it for months.  I was really worried that the roads would be slick and muddy, and I worried that I would get a flat tire, and I worried that I would get out there and just cry the entire time.  I also worried about tents, and bedding, and car trouble.  I hated to face it alone, and yet all along, I really felt like he would somehow be home.  They would somehow understand, that our whole year and world revolved around that weekend, and that we needed to be out there and together.  No such luck. 
     Anyhow, the kids begged and pleaded, and I knew it was just going to be difficult and sad.  I finally decided that we would be sad no matter what, and so I decided to go.  With that in mind, I needed a tent.  I know that I mentioned all of our tent fiascos over the last few years, and I decided to just buy something nice.  That is how Ryan would do it.  Anyhow, so I watched expenses and set aside some money.  Sags and I went in and bought a really nice canvas tent, that supposedly was not difficult to set up.  And, then we went to packing.  Thank goodness for Rooshkie.  She was really wanting to go, and she packed most of the little kids stuff.  Chlo packed her own bag, and that had me concerned.  I made a mental note to go through her stuff.  Anyhow, with everyone pulling together, we were able to get stuff done.  The one hitch was that Sags had a volleyball camp all week, and they needed me to drive to and from St George where the camp was being held the day that we were wanting to leave.  So, I told everyone to have everything in a pile.  I would drive the girls up and back, and we would have to pack as soon as I returned.
     Well, everything went according to plan.  We removed the seat as soon as I got back from the volleyball camp, and we went to work packing up the van nice and tight. Rooshkie doubted my abilities, but I learned from Ryan and he is the best packer ever.  We finally got out of there around noon.  The problem was, there were a few items that I had to stop in St George for, and that is always a downer.  Oak had forgotten his coat, and I had no spare tire.  I did not dare go out there without a spare.  We drove all over St. George and no one wanted to sell me one.  Pretty much no one sells used tires any more.  I finally had to go to a wrecking yard, and that was five hours later.  The kids and I were extremely hot and bothered.  We finally hit the dirt road, and it was obvious that the roads were wet.  In fact, a rainstorm seemed to follow me all out there.  This had me extremely concerned.  I knew that the mud would get slick, and I really struggle with that van in the mud.  I have no control.  But whenever I said my silent prayers, the Lord assured me that I should go, and just have faith in Him.  I was way tempted to just go home.  Anyhow, the road is pretty gravelly until the flat before the school house, and I was all over the road trying to make it to the building.  It was really bad, and yet I didn't want to show my fear to the kids.  I was considering just spending the night in the school house in hopes that the roads might dry by the next morning.  I could see out across the flat, that it was a total quagmire, and on top it usually gets really bad too.  The rain had picked up again, and it did not look like it was going to stop any time soon.  Not five minutes passed when Josh Jensen and his brother Seth pulled up in a new looking truck.  They offered to drive behind me, or in front of me and give me any help necessary.  I gratefully took them up on the offer, but was still nervous.  Josh finally just offered to drive the van the rest of the way.  Jerusha heaved an obvious sigh of relief.  She obviously doubts my abilities.  Anyhow, I gratefully accepted, and hopped in with Seth, and a few of the littler kids.  I watched Josh...mud up to the axles, and he was swaying all over, but completely in control of the van.  What a Bundy he is, and what a huge blessing!!  It was definitely no coincidence, and I could not be more grateful for his help that day.  I will never forget it.
     We got up to the campground and it was just pouring.  I kept hoping it would stop for a bit, so that I could get my tent pitched, but Richard and John came up the hill and offered to help me.  The rain was obviously not slowing down, and was not going to stop any time soon.  We got to work, and they had it figured out pretty quick.  Just as they were putting up the poles on the sides, there was this huge flash of light and John got zapped by the wet pole he was holding.  Yeah, he kinda freaked out about that for awhile, but it didn't stop him from helping Richard finish putting the tent up.
     I almost forgot to mention Chlo's bag...I should have checked it, and gone through it.  She had packed a whole bunch of clothes that haven't fit her since like, 1956.  No really, she hadn't worn that stuff years!!  I have no idea what she was thinking, but needless to say, she had one pair of pants that fit her, and she fell off of the merry go round and into the mud, on the first morning.  So typical of my life.  Why can't I get it together?  Poor, unprepared Chlo!
     The reunion, was, as usual, a whirlwind of activity.  I tried the whole time to get a phone call from Ryan,  but it never did work.  I was able to text Kelli in Portland, and she would reassure me that she had heard from him, and that he was ok, but I went through major withdrawls.  I even tried Ivona's signal booster with no success.  It was difficult.  The dance was torture.  I missed him so bad, and couldn't go down to the slab without bawling my eyeballs out.  Jasmine felt the same way, and she cried and cried for her dad.  We finally just decided that it would be best to just go up and go to sleep.  That night it rained and rained too.  My tent was amazing.  It blew hard, and it rained hard, but we didn't get a single drop on us.  The babies slept soundly, and all I decided was that I need a better mattress.  The mats that I ususally use just don't cut it anymore.  I must be getting old.    
     I was grateful that I was more prepared with a tent, and I was grateful that I had stopped and purchased Oak a jacket.  I almost never even saw him, or Chloee the whole reunion.  They made friends with cousins and just took off the entire day.  They would maybe come in for a snack, but they rarely even ate.   At one point, Chlo came sauntering into camp with an entourage of giggly cousins, and she had no shoes on.  This is not a rare sight for Chlo, but I had recalled that she had actually left camp with shoes.  When I asked her where she left her shoes, she explained that she had taken them off by a water tank, and that when she returned to get them, there was a stink bug by them, and so she of course, couldn't put them back on.  They basically needed to be abandoned because of the stink bug.  This was a little alarming.  I sent Jerusha after the mysterious shoes by the water tank three times with zero success, and explained that there might or might not be a stink bug in their general vicinity.  Jamie was finally able to locate them, and she came lugging them back to camp.  Apparently they had been hiding under a door, by the water tanks.  A spot that any stink bug might love.
     There are quite a few babies around little Dilly's age, and they are all growing up too fast.  Dill and Hazel fought over a blue chair almost the whole time.  I actually purchased Dill a brand new chair, and I know that Molly had brought a chair for Hazel, but they liked to fight over the blue plastic chair.  There were actually two of these chairs, and one of them only had three legs.  John and Richard finally stole the three-legged one when no one was looking and burned it, but the other one was still up for fighting and debate.  Finally it got left down by the cement slab, which brought us some peace for a little while. 
     There was no Roy Bundy breakfast that we could find, and I missed the races because I was on the hill trying to get a phone call from Ryan.  Let me just take a moment to explain the phone system up there.  There is no service, except for two spots.  One spot is called "The Phone Booth" and it is just at the top of the steep hill that is climbed before the reunion grounds.  It is probably 8 miles from camp.  There is one more spot on the hill above the reunion grounds, and there is a generator and a water tank on that hill, that is used just for the reunion.  By, the shed that holds the generator, some kind soul has stacked three huge tires.  If you stand with your hand in the air, you just might get a small signal.  I walked up this hill twice a day for the entire reunion in hopes of catching a call from Ryan.  During those times, many kind souls would come and climb on the tires with me, and try to get calls out.  It was kinda hilarious.  We need to build a phone tower on that hill.  That should be our next reunion project.
     Dill won her race, and Jamie, and Rooshkie came in second, and Jazz came in third...pretty good overall.  Testimony meeting, and church meetings were good as usual.  The Bundy's are spreading the Gospel message all over the world, and it is good to hear from the missionaries.  I was a little bit mad because the first thing that the Bishop said that we couldn't do was discuss anyting political....we can't even discuss our plight with the family???  I was irritated by this, and yet I saw so much love and support from the family that it was overwhelming.  Mark Bundy gave me $500.00 and Cory Bundy's wife gave me some cash too.  One of the family's Nancy Madril's family, had made t-shirts that spoke of all of the Bundy prisoners by name, and asked for prayers.  I was very touched by this, and Renie Layton had made a quilt to raffle for the families too.  The Bundy family  is largely behind us, but too afraid to say anything...that was the vibe I got.  I had told all of the kids that I wanted them to attend some of the church meetings...I finally had to go and locate Chlo and Oak.  Oak wasn't really excited about church, but he finally asked if he could just listen to church from inside one of the barrels...sure. why not?  There are barrels all over by the cement slab for garbage purposes, how many chances does a guy get to listen to church from a barrel?  Another thing that was funny at church, was Dill found that blasted blue chair.  It was at the bottom of a steep hill.  The hills and everything have been covered by a fine cinder gravelly material.  That baby girl drug that blue chair clear up that steep hill, in that rolly gravel.  I kept waiting for her to slip and fall, but she didn't.  After all of that work, I felt like she definitely deserved to sit in the little blue chair, and listen to church.
     Our dinner was really good.  Everyone pitched in and we cooked dutch oven chicken and potatoes.  The brother-in-laws cooked it, but they had never done it before.  I could not believe that.  Ryan and Ammon had always done the cooking in previous years.  They did an amazing job though, even if they were rookies, and we then had a pleasant drive to my mom's house.  Dry roads, and no problems.  I survived the reunion without him...whew!

     I know that Ryan's days in his cell have been long and difficult...my days are difficult, but flying by at an extremely fast pace.  I feel somewhat guilty about this because he just wants to come home, and I feel like I should be doing more to get him out somehow.  Sage has a plan to release the Kraken if he isn't home by the Bundy reunion, but I am pretty sure that the Kraken is sea monster??? Not sure that will work.  Her plan is flawed, and I just want to go up there and say, "hey thanks for all of this,but we are done...going home."  I am just kinda tired of the whole thing.  We analyzed the Kraken plan, and a sea monster isn't going to work in Pahrump, and Oak brought up the biggest problem with the plan...the Kraken isn't even real.  That kinda took the wind out of our sails.
     So...we have had trek, I took a trip up to visit Ryan, Sage and Jerusha have had Volleyball camp, Jamie has had FFA camp, and Jamie actually made zone officer, and next week is another volleyball camp for Sage.  I know she desperately wants to make the JV team, and she is going to have to put in the work to do that.  She is doing just that.
     I wanted to fly to Portland, so that I could meet Lisa during the second week in June.  My biggest hesitation with this, was the fact that the kids would be gone to trek, and I would have no babysitter.  In a way that was ok, because on the last trip up, I recieved so many phone calls of fighting, that I had decided to leave an adult there anyway.  Not just someone to check in with them every once in awhile.  My other hesitation, was that the girls were going on trek, and when the kids come back from trek, the whole town shows up to welcome them home.  I asked the girls repeatedly how bad they would feel if they didn't have a parent there.  They told me over and over that they really didn't care.  I am sure that they did kind of feel bad...my kids are going to be so strong after all of this.  I was also really glad that Ryan had both hand written them a letter to read on the trail.  Both of the girls said that his letter made them cry.  I am so grateful for the kids to have the opportunity to grow and feel the spirit.  Ok...so back to my original thought...I needed a sitter.  Gary kept offering Kristiann, and as bad as I didn't want to make her drive the whole way to Nevada, just for me, I knew that I couldn't possibly leave my kids in better hands.  I would seriously not have one second of worry while I was gone, and the trips to Portland are wonderful and terrible all at the same time.  They are really emotionally exhausting.  Anyhow, I finally just came to the conclusion, that I needed her, and I knew she would be the person that would love on my heartbroken kids better than anyone.  She came, and she did a wonderful job.  The kids were sad when she left, and Moroni turned into a huge show off.  He ran back and forth and round and round the house to show how fast he could be.  And he is fast as all get out.
     My trip to Portland was nice..any visit I get with him is so wonderful, and yet I hate the glass in between us, and I just want to bring him home with me.  Lisa and I went by and waved at the windows of our husband's, and there were people out there who were protesting around the clock.  It was so good to see them and to thank them for all the good that they were doing.  We visited with them until pretty late, and that was a mistake because the streets of Portland were unusually bad that night.  There was some parade happening the next morning, and the streets were lined with tents and all kinds of interesting people.  Drugged up Zombie types are often seen on the streets up there and this night was especially bad.  We ended up finally running back to our hotel.  And of course, we had to get a donut at Voodoo Donuts....that is a given.  We also learned how to use their public transit system, which saved us a ton in a rental car expense.  It was also a nice little ride, and I saw first hand how many homeless people there are up there.  They live under the bridges and everywhere up there.  I feel way bad for all of them.  I am so grateful that I am blessed with a home and family.  I hope that all of them end up out of their difficult situations soon.
     All in all a great a visit, and some crappy flights back and forth.  I really struggle with flying.  Anyhow, but to fly that far in 2 hrs is a huge blessing too.
     My Dad also had back surgery that week.  I drove up so that I could be with my mom while he was getting operated on.  He came out feeling so much better.  He had been in pain for so long.  He was so grateful.  When the nurse asked if he needed anything, or if he had any complaints, I told her that he hadn't liked the food very much during his last hospital stay.  When she asked him about it, he told her that it was worse than leftovers from the Donner Party....I was glad that he still had his sense of humor.
     After all of my crazy trips, I was grateful to be home.  I came back to the same old shenanigans.  And I dealt with some funny stuff before the trip too.  I had purchased camelbacks for the girls for trek.  According to their leaders, the kids that could drink easily out of camelbacks usually didn't dehydrate.  I was kinda annoyed one night when Wazz came and got in bed with me with a camelback on.  I mean, why is that necessary?  She kept loudly gulping from it, until I got kinda annoyed, and told her that if she wanted to sip out of a camel back all night, then she was going to have sleep in her own bed.  She agreed with that, and went to bed...I am grateful that water was so convenient for Wazz that night.
     We have also had some difficult times at shrsh.  Dill wanted to play a loud game of peek-a-boo on one Sunday, and I caught Oak running back and forth on another Sunday.  Last Sunday was Father's day...Dill ended up in the hall again.  The other ward was serving pie to the Dad's in Priesthood.  Ivona was in the kitchen, and served up Mo and Dill a huge plate of all kinds of pie.  Then, all of the kids ended up with candybars that were being served to the Dad's in our ward.  How does that even work when they aren't even Dad's?  Needless to say that Mo and Dill had a nice pie face for awhile.  Mo looked like he had bright red lipstick on because of his berry pie.
     Dill has also had a bad habit of scribbling all over everything lately.  EVERYTHING.  Mo woke up one morning and the whole side of his face and body had been scribbled on by the Dill because he had slept in longer than her.  She had also gone downstairs and gotten in to the maple syrup.  When I went to get her, she was literally stuck in a pool of syrup on the table cloth.
     Another night, a kind family brought us a pan full of enchiladas, and some salsa.  She warned me that the salsa was a bit on the hot side when she was leaving, but I was so grateful for the dinner.  I had driven Jazz to Cedar and back that day for an orthodontist appointment, and it was  a huge blessing.  Anyhow, Dill loves chips and salsa.  She went to town on the salsa, and usually she just dips the chip and sucks the salsa off of it.  This salsa was hot, and she just couldn't figure that out.  She kept on eating it and whimpering at the heat of it.  Her face was beet red, and tears were rolling down her cheeks, but she wouldn't stop.  I finally filled her bowl with some milder stuff, and that seemed to go better for her....my goodness little Dill....pace yourself with the salsa!!
     Mo has made a nice imaginary friend named Viter...he is from a lost city, and he is eight and looks like his cousin Braxton.  I hope that Viter will keep Mo out of trouble, because trouble seems to find my Mo boy at times.  He also demanded a dry drink of water the other morning.  I wasn't sure how to help him with that one...none of the wet drinks that I gave him would do.
     Margaret and Lily showed up on Wednesday, and told me that I had the day to do whatever I wanted to do.  I went to the Vegas temple, and I felt so good after being in there.  I just really feel like everything is going to turn out ok.  I just need to have faith and patience.

     Some of my latest parenting situations have been happening with Rooshkie.  She has been an interesting little gal to say the least, and she is motivated a ton by her friends lately...well, she has been motivated by her social life, to a large degree, for awhile.  She get's embarrassed way too easily, and yet, I don't seem to notice this all the time. 
     I guess the other evening, before I went to go pick her up at the park, she called and told Wazz that I did not need to come and get her, because she was embarrassed by the van that I drive, and she would get a ride with a friend.  I was so intrigued and enlightened by this news, because it brings a lot of insight into her behavior lately.  I didn't notice some of this stuff, until that was brought to my attention.
     To explain the situation of the van, it is kind of a pitiful ride.  When Ryan and I went to purchase it, I was a little embarrassed myself, and I tried to talk him in to a suburban. or a Tahoe...something a little bit cooler.  But, he was way more practical, and I was pregnant with my fifth child at that time, and I had no plans of slowing down, in bringing more children to the planet.  The twelve and fifteen passenger vans were $20,000 less than an SUV, they fit more people, and they had the same wheel base etc.  They didn't have four-wheel drive, but Ryan can usually maneuver wherever we want to go without it.  Anyhow, he was paying for the car, and so being cool kind of went out the window then.  We were literally buying a shuttle bus.  Since that time, the paint has come off of the roof in large sheets, Wams backed into Ryan's utility trailer, and dented it all up, and it has been messy from time to time.  I get way embarrassed when the kids get out of it, and dum papers from shrsh or school blow out in a trail behind them.  But, it has our nice "Bye Bye BLM" sticker, and it has the VO sticker, along with some bow hunting stickers.  I don't care at all what the appearance is, as long as it gets me where I need to go, and it has been a way reliable car in that aspect.  We have replaced a few batteries, and tires, but that thing has been nice because it never requires much maintenance other than that.
     Anyhow, this evening, Rooshkie was again, wanting to go and play night games at the park with her friends.  She made it clear that it was fine if I just dropped her off at the church.  This is when I noticed that once again, she was embarrassed of the van.  I was like "Naw..I wouldn't hear of it, I will pull right in to the park, maybe I will even pull onto the grass."  She squirmed with that idea.  I told her that maybe I would even come back every half hour and spray sunscreen on her for good measure.  I was laughing pretty hard at this point because I could tell that she was mortified at that thought.
    Anyhow, I stayed long enough that her friends could definitely see my cool ride, and then I went to the post office to check our mail.  I was thrilled to see that her new sandals had arrived.  She had been begging for a pair of sandals that I had kind of balked at buying.  They were kinda ugly, even though I am sure that they are some cool, new trend.  I told her that her Dad had a pair just like them that he wore at the prison, and that perhaps he could get her a pair???She did not like that idea, and did not find it funny.  Anyhow, she earned the money, and I ordered the shoes.  Those wonderful little things were right in my mailbox.  I drove right back over to the park, made sure that she got a good look at me and the van with all of her friends, and I began to wave those shoes at her with all kinds of excitement.  I laughed and laughed because I could tell that she was way embarrassed and did not realize what I was doing.  She finally sheepishly came over, grabbed the shoes and walked away with her head hung down.  How am I going to convince her that I am cool?  Really, really cool?  I am as cool as any person can get ha ha!
     We had another issue come up.  Sags has a paper due this week, and her teacher specifically asked her to educate the class on the problems and situation that our family is facing.  Why did we take the stand that we did etc? Well, that was a good idea and all, and Saggers was looking forward to completing the task, but every time that she went to write, she wanted to consult with her Dad, or her Grandpa.  She cannot call either one of them at her convenience, and she would end up crying about our situation.  Ryan called one evening, and I gave up my talk time with him, so that he could instruct her on how to proceed with her assignment.  She got a pocket Constitution and highlighted a bunch of things, and took some good notes.  Well, when she went to sit down at the computer, after taking a short break, her pocket Constitution with the notes from her dad were missing.  She got frantic and went on a search for it.  Well, Dill had taken it, and taken a huge bite out of it.  I seriously did not know what to say.  I mean, you think that your pocket Constitution would be safe from someone eating it when you set it down....not in my household, and I cannot even tell you why.  Dill is fed plenty.
     What finally ended up happening, was we had decided to use some information that she had used for a report a few years ago.  Her Dad and Grandpa had helped her with it, and the information tied in perfectly. 
     Speaking of little Dill, she is really struggling this week.  She hasn't really slept much for two nights in a row, and she is getting hurt non-stop.  She fell off the porch early this morning, banged her head against the wall, and fell off of a toy car during my Presidency meeting.  I felt pretty bad for my little Dill.  She needs some rest, and so does her Mom.
     Rooshkie's latest has come because she is convinced that I am pretty much the only mom anywhere that won't allow their twelve year old to have their own phone.  She has begged and pleaded and whined and moaned.  Ryan and I both feel that she doesn't need one yet.  We told Jamie and Sage they could get phones at 16, and I believe that Jamie was 15, and Sags was 14...not 12.  Anyhow, I came to my room the other morning, and was met up by a nice note on a poster board from Rooshkie...this is what it said:
     My Goals
        Topic: a phone
Why should I have a phone:  In my eyes a phone is not a toy, it is a tool.  Going into 7th grade I will be doing many activities.  It will be difficult to communicate with you and keep you in contact.  I know you don't think I'm ready, but I know I am.  I feel I'm very responsible and take care of my things.  I know there are bad things on the internet and there always will be.  But I do my best to stay away from those things.  I would use my phone to good use by reading/listening to my scriptures every night!  It is harder for me to pull out my Book of Mormon/ Bible and read them.  I feel that by having a phone it would become easier for me.  Also during this hard time I would like to keep in contact with my cousins and loved ones.  I know your worried I will never get off it if you let me have one.  You probably think I'll be glued.  But I promise you, I won't because you know how I had that laptop.  At first I was glued. But after awhile, I let it go.  You are the best mom anyone could ask for.  I know you will always do what's best for me.  PLEASE CONSIDER it is very important to me.  I LOVE YOU!  PLEASE KNOW I AM VERY STRONG TOWARDS THIS.  I THINK I'VE EARNED IT!
                                                                            Love,
                                                                                 Jerusha Bundy
    Still not happening for my Rooshkie girl, unfortunately

    

     Today we are struggling.  Dill is nothing but sad, sad, sad.  Sad and upset by the fact that I won't let her climb on the countertop and eat a whole jar of Nutella.  Sad, that she and Mo just aren't getting along.  I have some work to do where Dill is concerned.  Somehow, I have to get her happy, and with Dill that usually isn't too difficult.
     We only have two days left of school, and I look at the whole of summer, and panic.  We should be camping, and working, and that was Ryan's domain.  I don't know how to drag a trailer, or hitch up a tractor, and somehow I must keep the kids busy and doing good.  It really scares me.  Ryan especially could get Oak to work, and I just cannot seem to get him motivated.  He always had that desire to please his Dad.  I don't think he could care either way with me.  He just wants to fight with his sisters over every little issue, and be fed pretty much non-stop.  I am going to need heaven's help to get through the summer months, or maybe Ryan's.  I hope he gets released soon.  I might just go insane if he does not.
     We have had a busy weekend.  Last Thursdee Ivers graduated from high school, and so I took the opportunity to go down, and be there.  It is always so much fun to be with my brothers and their families, and they were all going to be there.  Laughfest 2016 was about to ensue, and I desperately needed to laugh for a few days.  So, I pulled the kids out of school on Thursday, and we departed Bunkerville.  The trip down was surprisingly kinda quiet.  The four older girls got into a knock-down drag out fight about the front seat after I stopped for lunch in Kingman.  It was so absolutely ridiculous, that I didn't want to get involved at all.  It went on and on with all of them being equally stubborn.  It is times like that, that I honestly do not know what to do.  I don't care at all where they sit, and if I take someone's side, then the other three are convinced that I play favorites.  I can't stand it.
     We drove on and on, and at one point I let Moroni out to go to the bathroom behind a large bush.  He chose to stand in front of the bush, and face the road as he peed.  This is so mind boggling that I don't even know what to say.  Needless to say, he doesn't care a whole lot about modesty yet.
     The graduations down there are always nice.  They are outdoors and casual.  The kids found a sand pit that is used by the track team, and began frantically making a very large mound out of sand.  There were a few boys that challenged my kids, and a few of Doug's to a mound building contest.  The dust just started to fly and turn part of the air around a nearby crowd into a dust cloud.  I walked over several times to ask them to keep the sand stirring down to a minimum, but it all fell on deaf ears.  They were determined to beat the boys with a bigger mound and they definitely succeeded.  I was flabbergasted a few times, when Oak and Mo would scale an eight foot tall, chain link fence to get a drink of water, but they are country boys and used to scaling fences...I don't know what else to say.
     The night was full of a fitful Mo.  He had a toothache, and I did everything I could think of to ease his pain.  I had an appointment for him to get it fixed, but that didn't help me at the moment.  He didn't sleep good at all.  The kids got up and hit the pool at like nine.  They stayed out there all day long.  I kept hounding them about sunscreen, and I kept the little ones covered pretty good, but Wams and Sags ended up getting pretty fried.  Wams had also borrowed my swimming suit because she had failed to bring hers for some odd reason.  That left me swimming in my clothes for the day.  I just can't be sexy or attractive, I swear.  That night, we had a barbecue at Gary's and that was a ton of fun.  My brothers all got telling mission stories and they were hilarious.  Huxti somehow got bit by a no legged dog...I am not even sure how that can be accomplished, unless you place your leg in their mouth.  We laughed over some of the funny traditions of Ecuador too.  If you buy a drink of juice or whatever, they ring you up, and want the bottle back.  They then pour your drink in a garbage sack, and stick a straw in it for you???  Yeah, I could laugh about this stuff for hours.
      Once again, no sleep for Mo and he howled so loud most of the night that I worried about getting kicked out of our room.  The next day the kids once again got in the pool, and then we went to Gary's for awhile, and we visited with Trevor and Angie.  They had just bought a new house and their pool had a slide...even Dill appreciated the slide.  I had a great visit with those two, and they have been a ton of help through our whole ordeal with Ryan and the other men.  Trevor has been doing his best to try and save Ammon's business from complete failure in Phoenix.  They also bought me a plane ticket to fly up and see Ryan.  That was a huge blessing.
     I was able to go to dinner with my brothers that night, and it was so absolutely funny.  We had such a good evening laughing about stuff from our past, and it was worth the whole trip.  When we went to bed, once again, Mo struggled. 
     The next morning, Mo was in so much pain, and none of my temporary fixes were helping.  I decided that I just needed to get him home.  We attended sacrament meeting, and he bawled from Mesa to home...seven hours straight.  I finally got in touch with the dentist, and even though it was a holiday, he agreed to meet me first thing in the morning.  I had done everything that I could think to do to help him, and it was so hard to be patient with all of the crying.  I got thinking that I really needed to get him a Priesthood blessing somehow...just to help him get through the night.  I was wondering who I could ask, when my home teacher called.  He felt that he needed to check on me.  Coincidence?  I think not.  I tearfully told him that Moroni needed a blessing, and he agreed to come over as soon as I got home.  He arrived as soon as I texted him with his son-in-law.  They gave Moroni a beautiful blessing, and I cried the whole way through it.  I needed a witness that God cared, and I definitely got it.  Mo fell asleep within the hour, and slept all night, until I roused him early the next morning to go and meet the dentist.  He had a great time getting his tooth fixed.  He loved it, and couldn't wait to go back...over this, I am way confused.  If a root canal can get him all kinds of happy, I fear that he needs more fun and excitement in his life.
     Ok...so that evening, I made some taco salad for dinner.  I have tomatoes out of the garden, and the salsa is just so out of this world.  Chloee frowned when I cooked it all though.  She didn't want any of it.  I tried to talk her into just eating some meat and cheese but she continued to frown.  As I was sitting and rocking Dill she came over with the carton of eggs.  She begged me to cook her one.  I get way frustrated with all of her food nonsense, but an egg?  It is way good for her, probably better than the taco salad.  I agreed to cook her one as soon as I had a second.  Well, for whatever reason, she took the eggs up to my room and set the eggs on my bed to wait for my arrival???  I still have no idea why she did that.  Anyhow, in the mean time Dill had toddled back up the stairs and climbed up on my bed to see a wonderful surprise in her little world.  She took all of those eggs and proceeded to crack them in various and strategic areas all over my bed.  I am still mad about Chlo over that whole situation.  Gooey eggs and shells everywhere.
     The next day when I picked up the kids from school, it was so hot and miserable.  They begged me to take them to the headgate to swim.  I finally consented, and the kids, especially Dill had a ball.  She would just jump in the sand and splash.  When we arrived back at home, some kind soul had dropped dinner off.  Spaghetti, bread, salad, and donuts.  Donuts are not something I usually buy and the kids were so excited.  Well, Chlo was just not ok with eating the spaghetti.  She just wanted a donut.  I explained, like a good mom would that she needed to eat some dinner first.  With Chlo it just all falls on deaf ears.  She bawled and bawled and howled.  At this point, Mo had finished several plates of the delicious spaghetti and was just orange-all over his face.  He had also selected a nice donut, and was loving to show it off to Chlo.  In fact, he chased her all over the house with the donut, as she bawled and bawled.  I finally got her to eat some garlic bread, and then she could have a donut of her own.  Here is another kicker.  The kids all got in my bed to watch Arthur after dinner.  I had just changed all of my bedding because of the lovely egg incident.  They got sand from the river all over in my bed, and all over in my bathtub.  I thought that perhaps I could sleep in my sandy bed and dream that I was on the beach...yeah it didn't happen.  I just need to change my bedding again.  And the sandy bathtub?  Totally not a beach simulation either.
     The next problem that occurred is that Jamie took something of Oak's.  Some prized possession.  He was frantic to get it back, and went in her room, and threw all of Jerusha's shoes everywhere in his frantic search.  Jerusha was naturally upset about this, but he refused to put her shoes back, until Jamie gave him his possession back ( I think it was a squirt bottle?)  What kind of convoluted sense does that even make?
     Another problem that I had with Dill this week, was that she got into some pudding...the boxed powder.  She opened it up and dusted herself with it.  She also dumped it in the drain tray on the fridge.  A mess that I forget about until I go to open the fridge, and then see it there...again, and not cleaned up. 

   

     Things are definitely heating up around here.  There were rumors about another BLM cattle round up, but I think they would melt before any cows were gathered.  Whenever we have tried to work cows in the heat, it is just too much stress on the cows.  It can kill them.  I highly doubt that anything will happen until at least fall.  I am prepared to go and stand with my family if they try anything. 
     Chlo has not felt well over the past few days, and I was relieved to wake her up this morning, because she was doing much better.  She had complained about a sore throat, and she was running low grade fevers.  She and Mo had a nice time building with blocks and watching Scooby Doo reruns while she recovered.  I am grateful she is ok now.  I know that she will be sad when she realizes that she missed her opportunity to go bowling with the school.  Poor, little Chlo.
     Oak had a few friends over yesterday.  They are a set of twins in his grade and wow...there was loud noises, and wrestling going on like you would not believe.  Poor Oak needed some male bonding time, I could tell.  They got in the water trough, and wrastled and thrashed around like there was no tomorrow.  For whatever reason, he got up really early this morning, got dressed and came and assisted me with a few things.  He got himself breakfast, packed himself a lunch and seemed quite eager to be going to school.  This behavior has me quite baffled.  Could there be a girl he likes?  I am going to see if Wazz will do a little spying for me.
     Mo has been busy creating helicopters with his blocks this morning.  He is very intent and serious about his work.  He and Dill are at odds with each other, pretty much all of the time.  It was so nice to have Oak around at that age, because he always took care of Chloee, and he always put her first.  I cannot say that Chlo or Mo have been the same with their younger siblings.  Anyhow, it is a fight almost at all times, because when she grabs something to play with, he immediately takes it from her, and I have to get after him.  It is a terrible cycle... hopefully he will start to understand how important it is for him to take care of his little sister.
     Mo has been interesting lately to say the least.  He tells me non-stop how much he misses his dad and constantly asks me why he doesn't just come home.  Jail is a concept he just doesn't get, and I hope he always understands that his Dad is not a man who did anything bad.  He gets all kinds of upset if his food isn't cooked or done just right still, and I have learned to just walk away from his nonsense, and he will usually eat whatever is available, if I just don't engage in an argument with him.  Yesterday was Saggers birthday and she wanted chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast.  I of course obliged because it was such a simple request.  Mo was mad though...mad that his pancake had chocolate chips.  I just don't get it...how can chocolate chips ruin anything?  Then he began to complain about the brand of syrup and he wanted a different kind.  A kind person in the ward actually brought over some homemade syrup the other day that is such a beautiful combination of buttery and sweet goodness.. He requested that syrup.  I got it out, and then he began complaining about something else that had to do with the pancake, or the plate, or something.  I finally just went downstairs to get on with the day.  He ate his pancake, and probably too much of the homemade syrup to boot.  I think sometimes he just feels the need to be difficult.
     An hour hadn't passed when he complained that he was completely starving again.  He just couldn't take the hunger.  He begged for lunch, ramen noodles or anything.  I finally told him that I would be happy to make him some ramen noodles, but it would need to count as an early lunch.  He readily agreed.  And so, I made him some ramen noodles, and once again went to try to clean something.  He came down and told me how delicious everything had been.  Not an hour had passed when he demanded a pickle sandwich.  I was kind of confused about that one.  Never...not even during my many pregnancies had I ever eaten a pickle sandwich.  I have never made one, and was confused.  I got out some canned chicken, and he was insistent that he wanted nothing but bread and pickles.  I finally shrugged and made him one.  He demanded several more.  I just cannot keep up with that kid and his demands.  He wants to eat pretty much all the time. 
     For her birthday Sags wanted to go and get a haircut.  I was 100% against that idea.  I agreed that a trim would be fine, but we argued and fought about it until she was sitting in the chair with a young beauty student.  I figured that she was going to side with Sage and tell her how cute, short, and sassy that her hair could be, but she didn't.  She told Sage that many women would kill for hair as gorgeous as hers, and she assisted me in talking Sage out of the drastic cut she desired.  She still cut way more off than I would have liked, but it is still quite long.  Nothing against short hair, but it finally grew after her complaining about it not growing for years.  I just cannot take her regretting the cut right  now.  She is struggling enough as it is.  Sage misses her Dad and cries for her Grandpa a ton.  Cutters remorse would not go over well.
     I also took her shopping and bought her some stuff that she has needed for awhile.  It is always such a privelege to spend one on one time with the kids.  It totally does not happen very often.  When I got home last night, Dill was already asleep, thanks to my cute Wazz.  She is the best babysitter ever.  Anyhow, I went in, and fell asleep almost immediately too.  I woke up in a panic, because Wams was at a youth dance, and I had not heard her come home.  Luckily, she was in her bed asleep, and Mo had crawled in bed beside me, and peed the bed.  So not happy about that information.  I got him cleaned up and straightened out too.  I got up early, and had to mail something, and we were out of bread and milk.  I left Rooshkie in charge of making pancakes and headed to the store.  I purchased some strawberries and things for Sags to have a birthday cake because we were too tired to make her one last night.  When I arrived at home, there were pancakes and syrup on pretty much every surface imaginable.  Wams was sitting staring at her yearbook, and Dill had been busy cracking and throwing raw eggs around.  Nice.  Needless to say, that I had people on the phone trying to educate me about this court stuff, and I was trying to clean up the horrendous mess that had happened when I stepped out of the house for thirty minutes....seriously people???  You are going to let Dill just crack eggs all over the floor???  How do people just sit as Dill breaks egg after egg???  Yeah, their Dad needs to come home and put them all to work doing something very difficult. 
     I understand that the kids have been feeling insecure since their main security has been removed from their life.  For that reason, I have been kind and understanding about any of them coming in and getting in bed with me whenever.  However, it has made for some pretty restless nights.  Chlo, is usually at my feet, and Mo, and Dill are always wedges on each side...sometimes Wazz is even in my bed.  Things got a little crowded for awhile, and then the bedroom fiasco happened.
     To explain the bedroom fiasco, then one must go back in time for about six months.  Rooshkie had asked Ryan if she can switch rooms.  She was tired of sharing a room with Jazzerz, and she wanted her own room.  Ryan explained to her, that Dilly was going to need to share with her very soon, but he did not care if she shared with Dilly instead.  Well, Rooshkie sprang into action and set up her bedroom with Dilly's little things.  Dill was still sleeping in with Ryan and I every night, and so her clothes and her toys were in there as well as a mattress for her bed.
     Anyhow, Jamie, was and has been furious about all of that for months now.  FURIOUS.  She couldn't figure out why Ryan would allow her to have her own room, when she was the oldest.  I explained to her over and over that she did not have her own room.  She just wouldn't let it go, and was mad for months and  months.  One day I came home, and Rooshkie explained to me that she would like to trade rooms again.  The room across the hall had a larger closet and she wanted to trade with the boys.  I told her no...it was enough that she had enjoyed some space to herself to a large degree.  Dilly had gotten into her stuff a number of times though, and wasn't completely just hers, but I knew that she should just be satisfied with what she had.  Anyhow, this conversation all took place, after Ryan's incarceration, but she just kept hounding me and hounding me to switch rooms.  I told her "no" repeatedly.  She explained that she wanted to change rooms, and she was willing to have little Dill sleep in her room with her sometime.  I agreed that we needed to try that.  Well, she took that one pharase as the go-ahead to change rooms.  I believe that I ran to the temple that day, but when I returned she had traded rooms with the boys, with no ones knowledge or consent.  I was furious with her.  Jamie was completely livid.  After that day, Jamie just could not hide her anger and disgust with her sister.
     Things went from bad to worse.  There was fighting and contention about this bedroom nonsense at all times.  Jamie was downright mean to Jerusha.  I finally told Jamie one day that IF she could be nice to Jerusha for a week, then she could have her own room.  Well, toward the end of the week, Jerusha and Jamie had  knock-down drag out fight over some school supplies that Jerusha needed for school.  Jamie was cruel and I revoked her right to her own room.  I finally broke down and told Ryan the whole story.  His solution was simple...make the two fighting people move in together.  He ordered it done immediately before any of them went and did anything else.  It has completely worked like a charm too....way less fighting, and everyone seems happy.  I am grateful that my kind, and wise husband is still calling the shots.  He is an incredible person. 
     One of the bad things that happened during the whole move though, was that the girls just came and dumped Dilly's clothes all over my floor.  No regard at all for the mess it left on my floor.  Well, Chlo got to the point that she preferred sleeping in the heap of clothes.  She loved to sleep on that, even though it diminished daily as I sorted through it all.  I cannot imagine wanting to sleep in a clothes heap, but Chlo is all about it.

     I have got to do better.  It is so hard to juggle everything these days, and I try to get letters out.  The letters are keeping somewhat of a record, but I know that I will miss reading about my kids and all of their activities.  I am hoping to fill in some of the gaps later.  I also have to be extremely careful about what I write, because they will try to use it against Ryan in court.  I will try to stick with the kids and their stuff for that reason, but it is a daily occurance that someone is crying and missing their dad.  Me included.  I had no idea how much I took him for granted.  He did so many things to keep the kids and I going, and I didn't even notice it all before.  Yesterday, I finally lowered my pride enough to call a family friend to come and unclog all of my drains.  Ryan always did that.  My washing machine wasn't draining and bath tubs weren't draining.  When I texted Shem Teerlink, I made it sound like it was no big deal, and no big rush.  But, a batch of clothes was taking four and five hours, which is kind of an emergency with as much laundry as there is to do.  He didn't put things off, but was on my doorstep with tools within the hour.  To top it all off, Ryan called while he was here and was able to discuss some of his tractors with him, and work out a deal where another tractor can possibly be earning me some money.  I could tell, that talking to Shem really boosted his spirits, and made him feel like he was providing for his family again.  He had been really struggling over the past few days.  So many people answer so many prayers.  I also had two dinners dropped off by ward members last night.  This happens so often.  You know that you are blessed when you have two and three people dropping off a dinner in a single evening.  I don't even know how to express appreciation enough.  And this, after I told the Relief Society president that I was fine, and no help was really needed.  I am so glad that she didn't listen to me.  There have been so many nights that I have come home from court, or had activities with the youth, or kids when dinner was going to be a difficult thing to juggle.  Especially after court, I want to crawl in bed for several days and not deal with anything.  But, I usually come home to a dinner on my countertop, and my house cleaned up.  I have learned so much about service through all of this.  I only hope that I can be as thoughtful as other people have been.
     Since I last wrote, Dilly has been taking her messes to a whole new level.  Last night, for example, she found a bowl of ramen noodles.  I was  a little grossed out be her desire for the ramen, because they had been sitting on the counter for a bit, and ramen soaks up the water and becomes a greasy, and undesirable mess.  But, I knew it had enough salt in it, that it wouldn't hurt her, and so I warmed it up a bit and set it in front of her on the table.  A few moments had gone by when I heard Jamie getting after her.  I looked over from my dishes to see her flinging the bits of greasy mess as far and as wide as they would fly.  All over the place.  I don't know if you've ever tried to clean up greasy ramen noodles, but it is a huge problem.  They smear and grease all over.  I finally decided to just let them dry, and sweep them up the next day.  I never would have made that decision ten years ago, but after about four kids you learn to lower your pride and let things go a bit.  This morning, it is sweeping up nicely.  No more ramen for Dilly. 
     Another thing that Dill has been doing that makes me frown is coloring on every single surface she can find.  When I flew up to Portland a few weeks ago, the kids must have just let her have free reign over recoloring everything.  Luckily it all cleaned up nicely, but everything from the floors, to the walls, to the windows had her cute little scrawl on them.  She gets a really serious look on her face when she feels the need to color.  It really ticks her off, if I remove her pen from her grubby little fingers.  She also likes to take the pen and color fine looking marks all over her arms and legs, and this just makes her look unkempt and kinda sloppy.  I will usually stick her in the bath at that point, but her latest bathtub games include emptying the bath water onto the floor, so her baths are cut short.  She gets this real serious look on her face as she finds a container to fill, and then pour out on the floor.  I scream, and beg her to stop, but she looks at me like I am kinda crazy to want her to stop such important work.
     Because of Dill and Chlo, Mo's little male ego has been struggling a bit as well.  All of these females seem to know how to put poor Mo in his place, and he does not deal well with it at all.  The first incident that I saw was with little Jaylee.  She and Mo had been fighting all morning because Moroni had just been given some new toys for his birthday, and he wasn't wanting to share them.  He was being way selfish about it.  Jaylee finally just hit him on the head with a stick when he refused to share his new scooter with her.  He was so broken up about this incident.  He came in crying and needing reassurance.  I held him, and let him know that it was all going to be ok.  I told him that if he would share his things, Jaylee would be more likely to treat him better, and then I kindly asked her not to hit Mo Mo with sticks.  She was quite defiant and mad...(seriously, little Bailey).  He just couldn't take it.  He was crushed.  He cried and cried and finally fell asleep in my arms.  Well, Dill was with him in the bath the other day.  I do not know why, but she threw a block right at his face.  It was mean and unexpected from cute Dill.  He looked at me like he could not believe it.  Once again, some female had hurt him badly, and he just couldn't deal with it.  Back to bed he went ...poor Mo.  He is currently living in a woman's world. He tells me nonstop about how much he misses his Dad.  It is no wonder with block-throwing Dill on the loose.  Chlo can also ruin his day by refusing to play with him.  He just cannot take it.  I have told him over and over to just play with someone else and move on.  He cannot get over it.  He begs me to force her to play with him...Mo has a ton to learn about females, and I cannot say that he will ever figure it out completely.  I don't have it figured out myself.
     We have had the fair since I wrote last, and Mo got really sick there for a little while.  He came in my room claiming that his arm was really bored because it had been stuck under a blanket for awhile.  He crawled up on the bed beside me, and I could tell immediately that he was burning up.  He got demanding bananas, and whimpered because he couldn't stand all of the wiggling.  He was the one wiggling, and I just kept telling him to stop, if he couldn't stand it.

     The Christmas season is flying by, and that makes me kinda sad.  I love Christmas, I love the lights, and the music, and all of the wonderful sweet smells and tastes.  It really goes by too fast in my world these days.  It also brings all kinds of activities that are tied with shrsh and school, and it just keeps us busy.
     To top it all off, Grandma Bundy is in some of her final days and moments.  The doctor told us 3-4 days about five days ago.  This has brought a profound sadness upon everyone.  We will all be happy for Grandma.  Her husband and her family have all gone before her, but we will miss her tons.  We have gone every evening since the doctor gave us the bad news to love on her and give her a kiss and a hug good night...just in case it is our last chance to do so.  She has been loved, and she will be missed.  I know she was a large part of my husband's childhood, and she has been a huge part of my married life.  I have loved her, and we will all miss her.  In a way she has been the ultimate example.  She never had it easy, and yet, she always made the best of her situation no matter what.  It is not going to be easy.
     Mo has been kind of a handful.  He got in big trouble today because he threw a block at my little Dill and hit her in the head...not ok.  He also has been having accidents, making messes, and just in general making me angry...until he comes over, and grabs my cheeks in his hands and gives me a big kiss...he will then tell me how much he loves me...how am I supposed to discipline that kid?  In shrsh over the past few weeks, he has been awful.  Last week, he kept whispering loudly that he really needed me to sing some pirate songs.  We were on the second row, and I was feeling quite sheepish that he kept calling me out to do this...really? Pirate songs?  This week, we were back in the gym area, and he kept running and sliding, and running and sliding.  Sags finally grabbed him and made him a special name tag.  It said MO...in fancy lettering.  That kept him distracted for a moment.  Then he went back to running and sliding.  The biggest problem with his running and sliding program, was that he was howling with laughter and squealing loudly with delight.  It was way loud.  Anyhow, Ryan grabbed him, on one of his slides, and crumpled up his beloved MO name tag in the process.  He bawled and howled because his nametag now had "bumps" in it.   He seemed to have no problem making "bumps" all over in the paper Christmas tree that we had to decorate for Chloee's class display.  He crinkled it all up, and felt like it was no big deal.  It was also bad because Oak made Mo a paper airplane...not good.  I hope to make some reverent improvements for the new year, and that is for sure.
     We had some other mishaps this week with Mo.  Sags called with a few of her male Seminary friends and they needed a ride home.  Mo had had another accident, knew he was in trouble, and headed for the hills when I really needed to be leaving.  It is a good fifteen minute drive between home and the school.  Anyhow, Mo took me on a long and unpleasant wild goose chase.  By the time, I caught him, there was no time to clean him up, and we were way late.  Sags was not happy about the amount of waiting time she had, and the unpleasant odor that filled the car.  I explained what had happened, and the boys thought it was funny.  What else can I do???? I am glad some people can laugh with me about some of this stuff.
     We had signed up to go and ring the bell for the salvation army in mid December as well.   This is a family tradition that I love.  Ryan wants all of the kids looking their best, and we stand and sing carols about the Savior during our two hour shift.  Wams plays the violin, and its just great.  Well, Rooshkie had decided that she was definitely not going to come this year.  She just didn't want to come, she didn't feel like singing, and on and on the excuses came.  I really don't think she knows fully who she is dealing with.  I knew she was somehow embarrased by her big family.  This made me furious.  Every excuse she came up with, I dismissed and told her that she would be with us singing and that was that.  As soon as we arrived she begged to go in and use the bathroom.  I told her no repeatedly.  She finally  begged enough that I told her she had five minutes to be back singing.  Well, twenty went by, and still no sign of her.  I finally sent Jazz in to look for her.  Jazz said that she went in, and no Rooshkie.  This upset me really bad, because I wanted to feel the spirit of the hymns and the spirit of Christ, and she was ruining it for me with her selfish behavior.  Finally she comes out sheepishly, and explained that the bathroom had been closed for cleaning, and she had to go and find another one to use.  I explained that that was impossible because Jazz had checked the bathroom.  She insisted and still does that it was.  Anyhow, the truth didn't come out until the next day, and she finally admitted that she figured the kids would tease her if she was caught singing in front of a store...really????  Who are these people?  The friends of hers that I know would think it was neat.  Anyhow, when we did finally get her to particiapte, she caught the spirit of it, and it was a beautiful evening.  The man that was in charge came and took some pictures of us and everything.  The only other mishap was Oak.  He got bored with the singing and tried to climb the walls.  Mo and Chlo also got playing with the morotized carts and I had to get after them, but hey, I felt the true Spirit of the Season for a moment, and it was awesome.
      After our shift, we had to go across town, because Wams and Sags had a Christmas concert at the school.  Ryan offered the kids hot chocolates from Maverick and all were excited about that.  Maverick has creamy and dreamy hot chocolate.  Anyhow, it was pandemonium in Maverick.  The hot chocolate machine was down, and the kids weren't hiding their disappointment very well.  The man that was working there gave all of the kids a candy cane off of the Christmas tree display, and hurried and fixed the machine....what a guy!  I seriously love this town.  Anyhow, we rushed to the school and had to leave most of our hot chocolates cooling in the car so that we could make the concert.  As soon as we got in there, Mo and Dill began running wildly up and down the aisles.  I knew that after standing in the cold for two hours, and then the sugar from the hot chocolate were going to be a bad combination for a Christmas concert.  It was terrible.  Dill especially would twist and turn and try to get away, and Mo would make all kinds of promises to sit, and be still, but then something inside him, would get the better of him, and off he would run.  I had finally had it before Wams and Sags even made an appearance.  I threatened Moroni over and over that if he wouldn't sit and listen, he was going to have to go and sit in the car.  I finally had to back up my threats.  I hauled a squirmy Dill and Mo to the car.  It was a cold enough evening, that I couldn't let them play outside, and the hallways were off limits because Dill had already tried to rip a bunch of art work off of the walls.  In the car we had to sit until the concert was over.  Sags had placed her hot chocolate high up on the dash, and as I was reading something, Dill grabbed it and the lid came off, dumping it all over her head, and my lap.  It was a huge disaster.  It was one of their larger cups, and it was almost full.  Luckily, it had sat and cooled long enough that it wasn't hot, but yeah, we were a sticky mess after that.  Dill and I were both glad when the family returned in the car, so that we could go home and get cleaned up.
     On the way home, the kids began begging to stop and tell Grandma Great goodnight.  Dill and I literally swam in hot chocolate.  Ryan looked at me and said "it is up to Momma, if she is ok with it, then I will stop."  I really wanted nothing more than a bathtub at the moment, and yet I knew that there was no way that Grandma was going to live much longer.  I finally and reluctantly told the kids that we could stop.  Grandma's house was full of her descendants.  Dave was at the foot of her bed, rubbing her feet and her bed was surrounded by her daughters and grandkids.  Cliven and Carol were there visiting quietly too.  I sat and watched as she would stop breathing for a long time, and then catch her breath again.  I knew that she probably wouldn't last another night.  Anyhow, the kids all gave her a love and a kiss on the cheek, and then Lily asked us to sing her to sleep.  We pulled out the hymn book and sang "Silent Night" to her as we tried to choke back the tears.  I am so glad that I wasn't selfish and that we stopped.  Sweet Bodel Bundy passed away three hours later, surrounded by her daughters and son.  I am so grateful that some of her last moments on earth were spent with us, and that we had taken the opportunity to take care of her, often at the most inconvenient times.  She has taught me a lot over the years, and we have a lot to live up to.  I love cute Grandma and I always will.
     The next several days were spent with family as they came to pay their last respects.  Ryan was asked to sing, and Wams was asked to accompany him.  The kids were all going to sing together.  The morning of the funeral arrived and I was once again amazed at all of her descendants.  There are a ton of us!  Normally they hold viewings in the Relief Society room, but as large as her family is, they opted to hold the viewing in the gym.  It still wasn't big enough, and I felt bad when a lot of Ryan's cousins and kids had to stand nearby in the hallways.  The funeral was beautiful, and I heard so many incredible stories about an extremely strong little lady.  Tough, tough, tough.
     At the graveside, they had asked Wames to play her violin, and Ammon dedicated her grave.  It was a day, that I shall never forget.  I am sure it is the last time that the Dave Bundy family will probably ever all be together again.  I love all of those people.  Ryan had also dug her grave for her, and later, he quietly went and back filled it, placing all of the grass back so that she could rest by her husband.  I know that she was the biggest constant mother figure in his life, and I will forever be grateful for all that she did to raise him.
     The next few days were spent catching up with family and relatives.  Lisa had mentioned that because of Ammon's involvement in trying to get the Hammond's released from serving their unjustified jail sentence, she had had zero opportunities to get her Christmas shopping done.  She invited all of the women to spend a day in Las Vegas with her finishing up.  I jumped at that chance because the kids were out of school, and could babysit, and I still had some shopping to finish up too.  I had the best day with my sister-in-laws.  They know how to shop, and they know where to go.  My eyes were opened because shopping has always equaled major drudgery for me.  One of the reasons, is that usually I have a naughty kid tagging along (Mo and Oak).  But, these ladies knew how to scan coupons off of their phone, which stores had the best buys on items, and just being together was way fun.  I will always remember that I need to shop with them whenever, and wherever possible.  We had the best day together.
     After getting home, I was able to settle in and focus on Christmas a little bit.  And we had a lovely Christmas eve and morning.  I got really mad at Ryan for a little while on Christmas morning because he insisted that we couldn't leave until a calf at the ranch was standing.  I was furious...we visit my mom and dad twice a year.  It had been since July that we had gone to see them, and I couldn't go if a calf didn't stand??? Yeah, I wanted him to designate the calf-standing project to someone else.  It didn't happen, and several of the kids went with him.  He has Christmas issues and he always has.  I hate it because I love the season, and he doesn't seem happy again until January.  Anyhow, he did accomplish his calf standing goals, and we did have a lovely visit with my family.
     At my moms, the kids had a ball in and out of her jetted tub, they ate way too much chocolate and chips, and they laid around way too much.  It was such a nice break.  The snow was piled high outside of my parents cabin, and it is the perfect place for a snowy and cozy Christmas.  Gary and Julia came up with a huge load of citrus.  Jazz was way excited at that news.  My brothers and I sat around and laughed, and I got to enjoy my nieces and nephews.  It was a great visit.  I love Christmas.
     We went to shrsh in Hatch, and Ryan and the kids sang.  They did a beautiful job.  Dill and Mo were naughty like usual.  Dill kept reaching into the plant in the hall and spreading dirt everywhere.  I took them into a closed classroom to play, but Mo felt too confined, and began yelling under the crack in the door for someone to come and rescue him.  It was disasterous, but classes were enjoyable and I got to help my mom teach her lesson in Young Womens.