So, I spent all week last week in Portland at trial. My family all kind of took turns with Moroni and Dill, and my older ones were left here, and had Grandma checking on them...and many others who just stepped in and helped, even though they were not even asked. Joy Haviland came over every morning, and did my dishes, and laundry and made sure that the kids made it to the bus. There was one morning when Rooshkie missed the bus, and Joy drove her in. She also cleaned my microwave, dishwasher, and just knowing she was here, brought me a lot of peace of mind while I was away. My mom also gave me a ride to the airport on Monday morning. It was a beautiful and slightly overcast day in Las Vegas (such a rarity) as I flew up to Portland. The weather in Portland was chill and the weather turned from bad to worse during the days I was up there.
Thanks to Jeff's employment, I was able to get a nice room for a good rate, and using public transit, we could make it to the courthouse and jail in 20 min or so. The bad thing was, the hotel was right around the corner from a large and spacious park. The park was obviously home to a very dangerous looking gang. We could skirt around the park, but it was still kinda scary. I arrived earlier than Lisa, and told her I would meet her at the Max stop when she arrived. We then rode the max into the courthouse to gauge the amount of time it would take. Anyhow...I was very grateful for the less expensive room. Last time our room cost us close to a thousand dollars. We had about decided to just bring sleeping bags and just join the countless others that sleep on the streets of Portland. A shower is nice though, and the streets of Portland are extremely scary.
We ended up in court most of the time that we were up there, and Lisa and I begged for extra visits at the jail, which, they agreed to a few before they said no more. Those visits with Ryan with a glass in between us, mean a ton to me. It is worth the whole trip and all of the trouble.
While I was still sitting at the airport in Vegas, Ryan tried to talk me out of coming up. He explained that to see me across the room without being able to speak or touch was torture, and that it always upset him greatly when I flew home without him. I still felt like it was important for him, the jury, and our children to see that I supported him, and that I was coming. When I arrived, he said that he actually needed me to testify. I was like WHAT??? What happened to not even wanting me to show up? I was able to get on the stand the next day, and even though his questioning was brief, I hope that at least the jury was able to see that he was a wife and kids who love him and need him. Court is so extremely difficult to say the least. The judge is so obviously and blatantly biased that it is unreal. She doesn't even try to hide it. She explains to the prosecutors some good things to say and do in front of the jury, and she also apologizes to them when she lets any of our evidence in. She explains that the only reason that she is letting the evidence in, is because she believes it will do us more harm than good. It is pretty unbelievable. Even the liberal press has taken note of her outrage at the defense in court. It is very disheartening to witness a judge try to railroad your husband to prison.
Briana actually came up the next morning and spent the rest of the time with us. She always spices things up and it was good to have her. Trial took its toll on all of us though, and it is difficult not to get emotional. This really is a nightmare.
We ended up meeting Rusty Hammond which was a very humbling and powerful experience for me. I knew when I hugged him that my husband had been right in standing up for his family. I knew it beyond any doubts, and I still know it today. I cannot help how I feel, and I was grateful for that witness.
The flight home was uneventful, but I cannot help but cry every time I leave him up there. I rode the shuttle home and Wames picked me up in town. My parents and brothers took good care of my babies...I will include some pictures that they sent.
Since then I have dealt with the kids and their shenanigans. I am so nervous though, and I have seen myself be kinda short with them. I have fasted for a few days, and it is so difficult when your whole fate and world is out of your control. I have several kids fasting with me today too. It is nerve wracking.
Mo came up with a brilliant scheme the other day. He found a pair of Chloee's underwear that had a string loose. He thought it made for a great kite. He ran back and forth and round and round the house with it in an attempt to "launch" the underwear. I cannot say that it worked, but it made for great entertainment for he and Dill for a whole day.
I also found a note on a can of opened beans in the fridge. It said "Oak's Beans...do not tak or else you r gonna get it" I am quite confused by all of this because I believe that Oak and Mo are the only ones who even like beans. I used to make beans all the time, but the girls complain about them and won't eat them, and so I don't make them much any more. Oak, however, loves to make himself burritos with them, and yet he is the only one that does this. I believe his beans will go on being there for his next burrito without any thefts.
Mo has also been hungry at all times. It does not matter that if I feed him a large and spacious lunch, he is hungry in five minutes. Yesterday, I was kind of drifting off to sleep as I was getting Dill down, ( I haven't been sleeping so well) and he came in and asked me for seven white chocolate chips...he begged and begged for exactly that until I counted seven out and let them drop one by one in his hand. That kept him full for about a nanosecond before he was begging for something else entirely.
I have had another issue added to my plate of unpleasantness. Poor Rooshkie has had a problem with a tooth that was broken off years ago. Years ago, while we were still living in Cedar, she was riding her bike and she ran into a fence. It was terrible. Her front tooth (which was brand new at the time) was broken in half and I could've cried forever over that one. It was a huge tragedy, so I ran her into the dentist the next day. He put a temporary crown on and advised me to make sure that she was really easy on it. He was hopeful that what was left of her tooth was still alive, and that he could just put a permanent crown on it at some point. Well, we were doing fine and dandy...in fact, I had forgotten all about the temporary crown until Oak knocked her in the mouth at church the other day. It knocked the temporary loose and so, she tearfully asked me to call the dentist so we could get it fixed. Because of closing aruguments and jury deliberations, I have been on my phone far too often, and I forgot to call for several days. In a way, that is a huge mom-fail on my part. She begged me every day not to forget...and then I would forget. After about three or four days, I finally called, explained the situation, and yet the assistant claimed she could not get me in until the following Tuesday. This...upset my Rooshkie a ton. I felt responsible too...I had failed to call and push for an appointment earlier in the week.
On a side note...a bunch of Rooshkie's friends, had a trip planned to the spooky corn maze in St. George. It was something that the group had done for years, and she was so excited to be included. Well, on Friday morning...the day of the corn maze and school etc. poor Jerusha came crying in my room because sometime during the night, the tooth had fallen out completely and was in pieces. Great...a huge amount of guilt swept over me as I tried to console her, and figure out how I was going to fix this one. I immediately called the dentist, because if I can somehow talk to the dentist...he always helps me. Getting passed his secretary is a trick sometimes, but he is always willing to help me no matter when. In fact...he must be on the high council, because he asked me if I could possibly get him out of giving his speech, ha ha! He has been great, but unfortunately...they are not in the office on Friday's and I had lost his home number, and it was not listed anywhere. I ran her into a dentist in Mesquite...he wanted almost $2,000 to fix it, and I just cannot justify that kind of money at this time. I knew that our regular dentist would charge less than half of that. So, I apologized and felt like crying with her. We went home, and I knew that I just somehow had to fix it so that she could go to the corn maze. Well, I found a product online that helps you build a temporary crown so that you can make it over a weekend, until a trip to the dentist could be arranged. I was so excited that I could possibly fix the problem. I left the babies with her and drove in to the pharmacy. The did not carry the product and I felt like crying. We live in a small town, and there isn't a ton of options.
The next actions that I am about to tell you reflect my desperation to fix it somehow. As a sidebar, I just need to tell you that I was on complete pins and needles at this time just because the jury had yet to reach a decision, and I knew that they would begin deliberations on Monday. It is a completely horrifying and unsettling feeling. I was in agony and fear at all times wondering what was going to happen to my life's partner. I had such an overwhelming sense of how completely out of my control this whole situation was. The tooth problem was just another aspect I wanted to somehow fix. Anyhow, that might explain my next actions for a bit. So, with that being said, I knew that it was Halloween time, and that I could maybe find something in the costume section to help me. I am aware that bridges are purchased all the time for beauty pageants and I thought that perhaps I could buy something that would buy me time until I could get her into her dentist. They had no bridges of any kind, and really, when I think about it, I am sure that is something that would have to be created by a dentist, but they did have some realistic looking teeth that fit over incisors that would make someone look like a vampire. Yes...I stooped that low. I did, and I feel really sheepish admitting it at this time. I went home, and she was feeling pretty sad. She did not want to go to the corn maze without a crown on her front tooth. She saw the vampire teeth and could not believe what I was thinking. I got them out of the package and began melting them on the stove so I could reshape them into a normal-ish crown. Jerusha stared at me in disbelief and could not believe what I was doing. They still looked awful, and unrealistic, and I figured it was a lost cause...until I looked in the package with the vampire teeth...and included with those babies was the exact product I had seen on the internet...they were hard beads that could be melted down, and shaped into a temporary crown until the dentist could be seen...wow...I was thrilled with that discovery. We made a temporary with success and she was able to attend her fun and spooky corn maze with her friends. Somehow God even sees to my odd requests. The next day the tooth became infected which led to a whole new set of problems. On Monday, I drove her into the dentist and just told them that I was desperate and needed them to fix it...they began doing just that right away, and told me that I would have to come back tomorrow too.
So...during this whole time, I was really on edge. I was trying to have faith, but I was so nervous about the jury and what they could possibly be coming up with. That morning Ned Mikkelsen showed up. He is the owner of the home that I have been staying in, and I know that I need to move on. He and his wife have been back from their mission for a few months, and they have been drifting around because I am still in their home. We skyped with his wife and they let me know that it would be ok if I stayed in the upper two levels, as long as they could move back into the basement. This would buy me a little more time. Carol also stopped by, and told me that I could possibly move into Grandma's single wide until I could get my home sold and buy something. The thoughts of moving...so overwhelming, but the Mikkelsen's have not only gone the extra mile, they have gone an extra hundred million miles to help me. It is time to get out of their home now that they are off of their mission. That was weighing on my mind, along with the fact that the jury was deliberating, and Ned had shot a deer, and needed me to clean a freezer out...and Sags had a game that afternoon...her last home game. I was about ready to break with all of the stress. Also, the home in Cedar is under contract, and hopefully will sell, but it has also left me feeling completely lost and homeless. Jerusha had bawled for about five days with her absessed tooth, and Ryan was a nervous wreck when he would call. Anyhow, as soon as I hit St George I received a flood of text messages. Kelli let me know that the jury had some questions, and she was heading downtown. Ryan also emailed me to let me know that they were meeting with the jury. I was so nervous. Lisa then texted me a frantic text and let me know that the jury was wondering if they could find some of the defendants guilty, but not others. I almost went off of the road...literally. A conviction? Five years or more in prison? Not to mention what it would do to the Nevada case. I was shaking and crying as I pulled into the dentist office. My parents wanted to meet me in St George because they had a birthday gift for Dill. (Yes on top of everything else, Dill was turning 2 the next day). My mom saw me crying and I just told them that Ryan was probably going to be convicted. I could only imagine that if anyone was going to get convicted it would be him, even though they had broken no laws. The Government has it out for the Bundy family...the mere fact that his last name is "Bundy" could mean a conviction. Anyhow she hugged me and told me that it would all be ok. I looked at her dumbfounded and that it would absolutely not be ok. Raising eight kids alone was not ok, not to mention Ryan having to sit in prison for years. No...none of it was ok at all. I sobbed and cried and tried not to freak out.
All of this going on, while Jerusha was needing a root canal. I went in and tried to get her settled, and thank goodness that my parents were there to take my kids to a little park across the street. I was trying so hard not to just have a complete melt down. When I came back out, I got reading the reports, and it wasn't as cut and dry as what Lisa had thought. There was a juror, who was asking a question. Apparently, one of the jurors had worked for the BLM and had admitted first thing, that he was biased. They had reached a decision with three of the defendants, but were deadlocked on the others, because of this juror. Anyhow, so all of this came up, and the judge began questioning juror number 11. This was the one that worked for the BLM. Anyhow, Judge Brown saw no reason to get rid of him. He was still the same guy who had claimed he could be fair months ago during jury selection. Ryan apparently fought her back when they were picking the jury, and had protested when she asked the same rinky dink questions that she had asked him before. He claimed that nothing had changed because the man was obviously biased then, and biased now. Questions of a mistrial loomed, but the judge felt that they should just continue their deliberations with juror 11 included. She explained that unless the defense came up with a really good reason to replace him with an alternate, they would just have to continue as planned.
In the back of my mind, I knew that these were prayers being answered. According to the defense attorneys...this was something they had never seen before. To have a juror snitch on another juror was unheard of. Juror number 4 had been brave to report what he had. I could see God's hand, and it gave me a ton of peace. I wanted to feel at peace...it only made sense that the jury was wanting to be merciful because no damage had been done. They wouldn't be arguing if they all wanted a conviction. I got Jerusha fixed up, thanked my parents for being there to still my fears, and drove back home.
Sags did awesome in her game! She was put in when they were losing, which had not been done before, and she had some great hits. They won their game, and I was thrilled for her. Ryan was also very optimistic when he called too. The days events had started an obvious miracle, and he felt very good about the remaining jurors. They were going to work hard to get juror 11 excused so that the rest could continue without his biased views.
So, the next day rolls around. Jerusha felt up for school, which was great. I knew I needed to fast for the juror to be removed, and I was praying that the new one would see the truth. After meeting with everyone in the courtroom, I believe it was determined that this particular juror had also seen LaVoy's shooting from the helicopter video. The jurors were supposed to be untainted. This got him excused...I as so relieved. Juror 18 replaced him, and she was out of the area, and so deliberations would be resumed the next day. The Lord was working. I was still nervous, but hopeful.
On Thursday, the kids had their Halloween carnival and they were so excited to get dressed up and go. Sags also had to go take pictures of the soccer game for the yearbook. She asked me to drive her in as soon as Rooshkie got home. On the way into town, the messages started pinging again. The jury had a question, and possibly a verdict. I was so nervous. A basket case. I wanted to go bury my head in the sand, or go in the temple and shut the door. It was so difficult to deal. I dropped Sags off, and just wanted to get home to pray. I wanted to hit my knees and not get back up. I finally pulled over and found a spot by myself in the desert. I pled with the Lord to realize that I had brought all of these kids into the world because I had a great partnership with my husband. I needed him home so bad. I begged and pleaded that God would deliver him, and that I would somehow deal with the outcome. I was halfway home when Sags called me. She explained that she had only needed to take six pictures, and was done, and needed me to come back and get her. I was freaking out. I frantically called the house and instructed Jerusha to kneel with the little ones and pray. I asked my brothers and parents to pray, and I prayed with all of my might as I drove back to get Sage. I kept checking my email to see what Ryan had to say. He claimed that they could not come to terms on one of the charges, but had decided on everything else. I was a basket case. As soon as I drove into the drive way, my elementary kids were coming off of the bus. I ran over and told them to kneel. I asked each of them to pray in turn, and I also had Mo and Jerusha and Sage pray. When I got back up to the house, I got Ryan's email...not guilty for all defendants on all counts. They were hung on the theft of the camera only. I felt like a huge burdensome weight was lifted. I was so elated I could not even fathom what had just come through. I went in the house and immediately the phone began ringing off the hook. I was on with the LA Times when Mo came in bawling about his Tiger costume. They were still wanting to attend the Halloween Carnival??? I had been trying to gut out the kitchen so I could move everything out of the basement, and I needed a shower bad!! Anyhow, as always....Dawn showed up and told me she would take the kids to the carnival. I could shower and come over if I felt like it. We stuck costumes on everyone, and I couldn't get off the phone.
Since then, I have been so excited I can't calm down. I know in my heart it is almost over. Ryan's dream came to pass, and like our blessings stated...Ryan will be coming home soon!
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