Saturday, May 21, 2016

     Things are definitely heating up around here.  There were rumors about another BLM cattle round up, but I think they would melt before any cows were gathered.  Whenever we have tried to work cows in the heat, it is just too much stress on the cows.  It can kill them.  I highly doubt that anything will happen until at least fall.  I am prepared to go and stand with my family if they try anything. 
     Chlo has not felt well over the past few days, and I was relieved to wake her up this morning, because she was doing much better.  She had complained about a sore throat, and she was running low grade fevers.  She and Mo had a nice time building with blocks and watching Scooby Doo reruns while she recovered.  I am grateful she is ok now.  I know that she will be sad when she realizes that she missed her opportunity to go bowling with the school.  Poor, little Chlo.
     Oak had a few friends over yesterday.  They are a set of twins in his grade and wow...there was loud noises, and wrestling going on like you would not believe.  Poor Oak needed some male bonding time, I could tell.  They got in the water trough, and wrastled and thrashed around like there was no tomorrow.  For whatever reason, he got up really early this morning, got dressed and came and assisted me with a few things.  He got himself breakfast, packed himself a lunch and seemed quite eager to be going to school.  This behavior has me quite baffled.  Could there be a girl he likes?  I am going to see if Wazz will do a little spying for me.
     Mo has been busy creating helicopters with his blocks this morning.  He is very intent and serious about his work.  He and Dill are at odds with each other, pretty much all of the time.  It was so nice to have Oak around at that age, because he always took care of Chloee, and he always put her first.  I cannot say that Chlo or Mo have been the same with their younger siblings.  Anyhow, it is a fight almost at all times, because when she grabs something to play with, he immediately takes it from her, and I have to get after him.  It is a terrible cycle... hopefully he will start to understand how important it is for him to take care of his little sister.
     Mo has been interesting lately to say the least.  He tells me non-stop how much he misses his dad and constantly asks me why he doesn't just come home.  Jail is a concept he just doesn't get, and I hope he always understands that his Dad is not a man who did anything bad.  He gets all kinds of upset if his food isn't cooked or done just right still, and I have learned to just walk away from his nonsense, and he will usually eat whatever is available, if I just don't engage in an argument with him.  Yesterday was Saggers birthday and she wanted chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast.  I of course obliged because it was such a simple request.  Mo was mad though...mad that his pancake had chocolate chips.  I just don't get it...how can chocolate chips ruin anything?  Then he began to complain about the brand of syrup and he wanted a different kind.  A kind person in the ward actually brought over some homemade syrup the other day that is such a beautiful combination of buttery and sweet goodness.. He requested that syrup.  I got it out, and then he began complaining about something else that had to do with the pancake, or the plate, or something.  I finally just went downstairs to get on with the day.  He ate his pancake, and probably too much of the homemade syrup to boot.  I think sometimes he just feels the need to be difficult.
     An hour hadn't passed when he complained that he was completely starving again.  He just couldn't take the hunger.  He begged for lunch, ramen noodles or anything.  I finally told him that I would be happy to make him some ramen noodles, but it would need to count as an early lunch.  He readily agreed.  And so, I made him some ramen noodles, and once again went to try to clean something.  He came down and told me how delicious everything had been.  Not an hour had passed when he demanded a pickle sandwich.  I was kind of confused about that one.  Never...not even during my many pregnancies had I ever eaten a pickle sandwich.  I have never made one, and was confused.  I got out some canned chicken, and he was insistent that he wanted nothing but bread and pickles.  I finally shrugged and made him one.  He demanded several more.  I just cannot keep up with that kid and his demands.  He wants to eat pretty much all the time. 
     For her birthday Sags wanted to go and get a haircut.  I was 100% against that idea.  I agreed that a trim would be fine, but we argued and fought about it until she was sitting in the chair with a young beauty student.  I figured that she was going to side with Sage and tell her how cute, short, and sassy that her hair could be, but she didn't.  She told Sage that many women would kill for hair as gorgeous as hers, and she assisted me in talking Sage out of the drastic cut she desired.  She still cut way more off than I would have liked, but it is still quite long.  Nothing against short hair, but it finally grew after her complaining about it not growing for years.  I just cannot take her regretting the cut right  now.  She is struggling enough as it is.  Sage misses her Dad and cries for her Grandpa a ton.  Cutters remorse would not go over well.
     I also took her shopping and bought her some stuff that she has needed for awhile.  It is always such a privelege to spend one on one time with the kids.  It totally does not happen very often.  When I got home last night, Dill was already asleep, thanks to my cute Wazz.  She is the best babysitter ever.  Anyhow, I went in, and fell asleep almost immediately too.  I woke up in a panic, because Wams was at a youth dance, and I had not heard her come home.  Luckily, she was in her bed asleep, and Mo had crawled in bed beside me, and peed the bed.  So not happy about that information.  I got him cleaned up and straightened out too.  I got up early, and had to mail something, and we were out of bread and milk.  I left Rooshkie in charge of making pancakes and headed to the store.  I purchased some strawberries and things for Sags to have a birthday cake because we were too tired to make her one last night.  When I arrived at home, there were pancakes and syrup on pretty much every surface imaginable.  Wams was sitting staring at her yearbook, and Dill had been busy cracking and throwing raw eggs around.  Nice.  Needless to say, that I had people on the phone trying to educate me about this court stuff, and I was trying to clean up the horrendous mess that had happened when I stepped out of the house for thirty minutes....seriously people???  You are going to let Dill just crack eggs all over the floor???  How do people just sit as Dill breaks egg after egg???  Yeah, their Dad needs to come home and put them all to work doing something very difficult. 
     I understand that the kids have been feeling insecure since their main security has been removed from their life.  For that reason, I have been kind and understanding about any of them coming in and getting in bed with me whenever.  However, it has made for some pretty restless nights.  Chlo, is usually at my feet, and Mo, and Dill are always wedges on each side...sometimes Wazz is even in my bed.  Things got a little crowded for awhile, and then the bedroom fiasco happened.
     To explain the bedroom fiasco, then one must go back in time for about six months.  Rooshkie had asked Ryan if she can switch rooms.  She was tired of sharing a room with Jazzerz, and she wanted her own room.  Ryan explained to her, that Dilly was going to need to share with her very soon, but he did not care if she shared with Dilly instead.  Well, Rooshkie sprang into action and set up her bedroom with Dilly's little things.  Dill was still sleeping in with Ryan and I every night, and so her clothes and her toys were in there as well as a mattress for her bed.
     Anyhow, Jamie, was and has been furious about all of that for months now.  FURIOUS.  She couldn't figure out why Ryan would allow her to have her own room, when she was the oldest.  I explained to her over and over that she did not have her own room.  She just wouldn't let it go, and was mad for months and  months.  One day I came home, and Rooshkie explained to me that she would like to trade rooms again.  The room across the hall had a larger closet and she wanted to trade with the boys.  I told her no...it was enough that she had enjoyed some space to herself to a large degree.  Dilly had gotten into her stuff a number of times though, and wasn't completely just hers, but I knew that she should just be satisfied with what she had.  Anyhow, this conversation all took place, after Ryan's incarceration, but she just kept hounding me and hounding me to switch rooms.  I told her "no" repeatedly.  She explained that she wanted to change rooms, and she was willing to have little Dill sleep in her room with her sometime.  I agreed that we needed to try that.  Well, she took that one pharase as the go-ahead to change rooms.  I believe that I ran to the temple that day, but when I returned she had traded rooms with the boys, with no ones knowledge or consent.  I was furious with her.  Jamie was completely livid.  After that day, Jamie just could not hide her anger and disgust with her sister.
     Things went from bad to worse.  There was fighting and contention about this bedroom nonsense at all times.  Jamie was downright mean to Jerusha.  I finally told Jamie one day that IF she could be nice to Jerusha for a week, then she could have her own room.  Well, toward the end of the week, Jerusha and Jamie had  knock-down drag out fight over some school supplies that Jerusha needed for school.  Jamie was cruel and I revoked her right to her own room.  I finally broke down and told Ryan the whole story.  His solution was simple...make the two fighting people move in together.  He ordered it done immediately before any of them went and did anything else.  It has completely worked like a charm too....way less fighting, and everyone seems happy.  I am grateful that my kind, and wise husband is still calling the shots.  He is an incredible person. 
     One of the bad things that happened during the whole move though, was that the girls just came and dumped Dilly's clothes all over my floor.  No regard at all for the mess it left on my floor.  Well, Chlo got to the point that she preferred sleeping in the heap of clothes.  She loved to sleep on that, even though it diminished daily as I sorted through it all.  I cannot imagine wanting to sleep in a clothes heap, but Chlo is all about it.






     I have got to do better.  It is so hard to juggle everything these days, and I try to get letters out.  The letters are keeping somewhat of a record, but I know that I will miss reading about my kids and all of their activities.  I am hoping to fill in some of the gaps later.  I also have to be extremely careful about what I write, because they will try to use it against Ryan in court.  I will try to stick with the kids and their stuff for that reason, but it is a daily occurance that someone is crying and missing their dad.  Me included.  I had no idea how much I took him for granted.  He did so many things to keep the kids and I going, and I didn't even notice it all before.  Yesterday, I finally lowered my pride enough to call a family friend to come and unclog all of my drains.  Ryan always did that.  My washing machine wasn't draining and bath tubs weren't draining.  When I texted Shem Teerlink, I made it sound like it was no big deal, and no big rush.  But, a batch of clothes was taking four and five hours, which is kind of an emergency with as much laundry as there is to do.  He didn't put things off, but was on my doorstep with tools within the hour.  To top it all off, Ryan called while he was here and was able to discuss some of his tractors with him, and work out a deal where another tractor can possibly be earning me some money.  I could tell, that talking to Shem really boosted his spirits, and made him feel like he was providing for his family again.  He had been really struggling over the past few days.  So many people answer so many prayers.  I also had two dinners dropped off by ward members last night.  This happens so often.  You know that you are blessed when you have two and three people dropping off a dinner in a single evening.  I don't even know how to express appreciation enough.  And this, after I told the Relief Society president that I was fine, and no help was really needed.  I am so glad that she didn't listen to me.  There have been so many nights that I have come home from court, or had activities with the youth, or kids when dinner was going to be a difficult thing to juggle.  Especially after court, I want to crawl in bed for several days and not deal with anything.  But, I usually come home to a dinner on my countertop, and my house cleaned up.  I have learned so much about service through all of this.  I only hope that I can be as thoughtful as other people have been.
     Since I last wrote, Dilly has been taking her messes to a whole new level.  Last night, for example, she found a bowl of ramen noodles.  I was  a little grossed out be her desire for the ramen, because they had been sitting on the counter for a bit, and ramen soaks up the water and becomes a greasy, and undesirable mess.  But, I knew it had enough salt in it, that it wouldn't hurt her, and so I warmed it up a bit and set it in front of her on the table.  A few moments had gone by when I heard Jamie getting after her.  I looked over from my dishes to see her flinging the bits of greasy mess as far and as wide as they would fly.  All over the place.  I don't know if you've ever tried to clean up greasy ramen noodles, but it is a huge problem.  They smear and grease all over.  I finally decided to just let them dry, and sweep them up the next day.  I never would have made that decision ten years ago, but after about four kids you learn to lower your pride and let things go a bit.  This morning, it is sweeping up nicely.  No more ramen for Dilly. 
     Another thing that Dill has been doing that makes me frown is coloring on every single surface she can find.  When I flew up to Portland a few weeks ago, the kids must have just let her have free reign over recoloring everything.  Luckily it all cleaned up nicely, but everything from the floors, to the walls, to the windows had her cute little scrawl on them.  She gets a really serious look on her face when she feels the need to color.  It really ticks her off, if I remove her pen from her grubby little fingers.  She also likes to take the pen and color fine looking marks all over her arms and legs, and this just makes her look unkempt and kinda sloppy.  I will usually stick her in the bath at that point, but her latest bathtub games include emptying the bath water onto the floor, so her baths are cut short.  She gets this real serious look on her face as she finds a container to fill, and then pour out on the floor.  I scream, and beg her to stop, but she looks at me like I am kinda crazy to want her to stop such important work.
     Because of Dill and Chlo, Mo's little male ego has been struggling a bit as well.  All of these females seem to know how to put poor Mo in his place, and he does not deal well with it at all.  The first incident that I saw was with little Jaylee.  She and Mo had been fighting all morning because Moroni had just been given some new toys for his birthday, and he wasn't wanting to share them.  He was being way selfish about it.  Jaylee finally just hit him on the head with a stick when he refused to share his new scooter with her.  He was so broken up about this incident.  He came in crying and needing reassurance.  I held him, and let him know that it was all going to be ok.  I told him that if he would share his things, Jaylee would be more likely to treat him better, and then I kindly asked her not to hit Mo Mo with sticks.  She was quite defiant and mad...(seriously, little Bailey).  He just couldn't take it.  He was crushed.  He cried and cried and finally fell asleep in my arms.  Well, Dill was with him in the bath the other day.  I do not know why, but she threw a block right at his face.  It was mean and unexpected from cute Dill.  He looked at me like he could not believe it.  Once again, some female had hurt him badly, and he just couldn't deal with it.  Back to bed he went ...poor Mo.  He is currently living in a woman's world. He tells me nonstop about how much he misses his Dad.  It is no wonder with block-throwing Dill on the loose.  Chlo can also ruin his day by refusing to play with him.  He just cannot take it.  I have told him over and over to just play with someone else and move on.  He cannot get over it.  He begs me to force her to play with him...Mo has a ton to learn about females, and I cannot say that he will ever figure it out completely.  I don't have it figured out myself.
     We have had the fair since I wrote last, and Mo got really sick there for a little while.  He came in my room claiming that his arm was really bored because it had been stuck under a blanket for awhile.  He crawled up on the bed beside me, and I could tell immediately that he was burning up.  He got demanding bananas, and whimpered because he couldn't stand all of the wiggling.  He was the one wiggling, and I just kept telling him to stop, if he couldn't stand it.







     The Christmas season is flying by, and that makes me kinda sad.  I love Christmas, I love the lights, and the music, and all of the wonderful sweet smells and tastes.  It really goes by too fast in my world these days.  It also brings all kinds of activities that are tied with shrsh and school, and it just keeps us busy.
     To top it all off, Grandma Bundy is in some of her final days and moments.  The doctor told us 3-4 days about five days ago.  This has brought a profound sadness upon everyone.  We will all be happy for Grandma.  Her husband and her family have all gone before her, but we will miss her tons.  We have gone every evening since the doctor gave us the bad news to love on her and give her a kiss and a hug good night...just in case it is our last chance to do so.  She has been loved, and she will be missed.  I know she was a large part of my husband's childhood, and she has been a huge part of my married life.  I have loved her, and we will all miss her.  In a way she has been the ultimate example.  She never had it easy, and yet, she always made the best of her situation no matter what.  It is not going to be easy.
     Mo has been kind of a handful.  He got in big trouble today because he threw a block at my little Dill and hit her in the head...not ok.  He also has been having accidents, making messes, and just in general making me angry...until he comes over, and grabs my cheeks in his hands and gives me a big kiss...he will then tell me how much he loves me...how am I supposed to discipline that kid?  In shrsh over the past few weeks, he has been awful.  Last week, he kept whispering loudly that he really needed me to sing some pirate songs.  We were on the second row, and I was feeling quite sheepish that he kept calling me out to do this...really? Pirate songs?  This week, we were back in the gym area, and he kept running and sliding, and running and sliding.  Sags finally grabbed him and made him a special name tag.  It said MO...in fancy lettering.  That kept him distracted for a moment.  Then he went back to running and sliding.  The biggest problem with his running and sliding program, was that he was howling with laughter and squealing loudly with delight.  It was way loud.  Anyhow, Ryan grabbed him, on one of his slides, and crumpled up his beloved MO name tag in the process.  He bawled and howled because his nametag now had "bumps" in it.   He seemed to have no problem making "bumps" all over in the paper Christmas tree that we had to decorate for Chloee's class display.  He crinkled it all up, and felt like it was no big deal.  It was also bad because Oak made Mo a paper airplane...not good.  I hope to make some reverent improvements for the new year, and that is for sure.
     We had some other mishaps this week with Mo.  Sags called with a few of her male Seminary friends and they needed a ride home.  Mo had had another accident, knew he was in trouble, and headed for the hills when I really needed to be leaving.  It is a good fifteen minute drive between home and the school.  Anyhow, Mo took me on a long and unpleasant wild goose chase.  By the time, I caught him, there was no time to clean him up, and we were way late.  Sags was not happy about the amount of waiting time she had, and the unpleasant odor that filled the car.  I explained what had happened, and the boys thought it was funny.  What else can I do???? I am glad some people can laugh with me about some of this stuff.
     We had signed up to go and ring the bell for the salvation army in mid December as well.   This is a family tradition that I love.  Ryan wants all of the kids looking their best, and we stand and sing carols about the Savior during our two hour shift.  Wams plays the violin, and its just great.  Well, Rooshkie had decided that she was definitely not going to come this year.  She just didn't want to come, she didn't feel like singing, and on and on the excuses came.  I really don't think she knows fully who she is dealing with.  I knew she was somehow embarrased by her big family.  This made me furious.  Every excuse she came up with, I dismissed and told her that she would be with us singing and that was that.  As soon as we arrived she begged to go in and use the bathroom.  I told her no repeatedly.  She finally  begged enough that I told her she had five minutes to be back singing.  Well, twenty went by, and still no sign of her.  I finally sent Jazz in to look for her.  Jazz said that she went in, and no Rooshkie.  This upset me really bad, because I wanted to feel the spirit of the hymns and the spirit of Christ, and she was ruining it for me with her selfish behavior.  Finally she comes out sheepishly, and explained that the bathroom had been closed for cleaning, and she had to go and find another one to use.  I explained that that was impossible because Jazz had checked the bathroom.  She insisted and still does that it was.  Anyhow, the truth didn't come out until the next day, and she finally admitted that she figured the kids would tease her if she was caught singing in front of a store...really????  Who are these people?  The friends of hers that I know would think it was neat.  Anyhow, when we did finally get her to particiapte, she caught the spirit of it, and it was a beautiful evening.  The man that was in charge came and took some pictures of us and everything.  The only other mishap was Oak.  He got bored with the singing and tried to climb the walls.  Mo and Chlo also got playing with the morotized carts and I had to get after them, but hey, I felt the true Spirit of the Season for a moment, and it was awesome.
      After our shift, we had to go across town, because Wams and Sags had a Christmas concert at the school.  Ryan offered the kids hot chocolates from Maverick and all were excited about that.  Maverick has creamy and dreamy hot chocolate.  Anyhow, it was pandemonium in Maverick.  The hot chocolate machine was down, and the kids weren't hiding their disappointment very well.  The man that was working there gave all of the kids a candy cane off of the Christmas tree display, and hurried and fixed the machine....what a guy!  I seriously love this town.  Anyhow, we rushed to the school and had to leave most of our hot chocolates cooling in the car so that we could make the concert.  As soon as we got in there, Mo and Dill began running wildly up and down the aisles.  I knew that after standing in the cold for two hours, and then the sugar from the hot chocolate were going to be a bad combination for a Christmas concert.  It was terrible.  Dill especially would twist and turn and try to get away, and Mo would make all kinds of promises to sit, and be still, but then something inside him, would get the better of him, and off he would run.  I had finally had it before Wams and Sags even made an appearance.  I threatened Moroni over and over that if he wouldn't sit and listen, he was going to have to go and sit in the car.  I finally had to back up my threats.  I hauled a squirmy Dill and Mo to the car.  It was a cold enough evening, that I couldn't let them play outside, and the hallways were off limits because Dill had already tried to rip a bunch of art work off of the walls.  In the car we had to sit until the concert was over.  Sags had placed her hot chocolate high up on the dash, and as I was reading something, Dill grabbed it and the lid came off, dumping it all over her head, and my lap.  It was a huge disaster.  It was one of their larger cups, and it was almost full.  Luckily, it had sat and cooled long enough that it wasn't hot, but yeah, we were a sticky mess after that.  Dill and I were both glad when the family returned in the car, so that we could go home and get cleaned up.
     On the way home, the kids began begging to stop and tell Grandma Great goodnight.  Dill and I literally swam in hot chocolate.  Ryan looked at me and said "it is up to Momma, if she is ok with it, then I will stop."  I really wanted nothing more than a bathtub at the moment, and yet I knew that there was no way that Grandma was going to live much longer.  I finally and reluctantly told the kids that we could stop.  Grandma's house was full of her descendants.  Dave was at the foot of her bed, rubbing her feet and her bed was surrounded by her daughters and grandkids.  Cliven and Carol were there visiting quietly too.  I sat and watched as she would stop breathing for a long time, and then catch her breath again.  I knew that she probably wouldn't last another night.  Anyhow, the kids all gave her a love and a kiss on the cheek, and then Lily asked us to sing her to sleep.  We pulled out the hymn book and sang "Silent Night" to her as we tried to choke back the tears.  I am so glad that I wasn't selfish and that we stopped.  Sweet Bodel Bundy passed away three hours later, surrounded by her daughters and son.  I am so grateful that some of her last moments on earth were spent with us, and that we had taken the opportunity to take care of her, often at the most inconvenient times.  She has taught me a lot over the years, and we have a lot to live up to.  I love cute Grandma and I always will.
     The next several days were spent with family as they came to pay their last respects.  Ryan was asked to sing, and Wams was asked to accompany him.  The kids were all going to sing together.  The morning of the funeral arrived and I was once again amazed at all of her descendants.  There are a ton of us!  Normally they hold viewings in the Relief Society room, but as large as her family is, they opted to hold the viewing in the gym.  It still wasn't big enough, and I felt bad when a lot of Ryan's cousins and kids had to stand nearby in the hallways.  The funeral was beautiful, and I heard so many incredible stories about an extremely strong little lady.  Tough, tough, tough.
     At the graveside, they had asked Wames to play her violin, and Ammon dedicated her grave.  It was a day, that I shall never forget.  I am sure it is the last time that the Dave Bundy family will probably ever all be together again.  I love all of those people.  Ryan had also dug her grave for her, and later, he quietly went and back filled it, placing all of the grass back so that she could rest by her husband.  I know that she was the biggest constant mother figure in his life, and I will forever be grateful for all that she did to raise him.
     The next few days were spent catching up with family and relatives.  Lisa had mentioned that because of Ammon's involvement in trying to get the Hammond's released from serving their unjustified jail sentence, she had had zero opportunities to get her Christmas shopping done.  She invited all of the women to spend a day in Las Vegas with her finishing up.  I jumped at that chance because the kids were out of school, and could babysit, and I still had some shopping to finish up too.  I had the best day with my sister-in-laws.  They know how to shop, and they know where to go.  My eyes were opened because shopping has always equaled major drudgery for me.  One of the reasons, is that usually I have a naughty kid tagging along (Mo and Oak).  But, these ladies knew how to scan coupons off of their phone, which stores had the best buys on items, and just being together was way fun.  I will always remember that I need to shop with them whenever, and wherever possible.  We had the best day together.
     After getting home, I was able to settle in and focus on Christmas a little bit.  And we had a lovely Christmas eve and morning.  I got really mad at Ryan for a little while on Christmas morning because he insisted that we couldn't leave until a calf at the ranch was standing.  I was furious...we visit my mom and dad twice a year.  It had been since July that we had gone to see them, and I couldn't go if a calf didn't stand??? Yeah, I wanted him to designate the calf-standing project to someone else.  It didn't happen, and several of the kids went with him.  He has Christmas issues and he always has.  I hate it because I love the season, and he doesn't seem happy again until January.  Anyhow, he did accomplish his calf standing goals, and we did have a lovely visit with my family.
     At my moms, the kids had a ball in and out of her jetted tub, they ate way too much chocolate and chips, and they laid around way too much.  It was such a nice break.  The snow was piled high outside of my parents cabin, and it is the perfect place for a snowy and cozy Christmas.  Gary and Julia came up with a huge load of citrus.  Jazz was way excited at that news.  My brothers and I sat around and laughed, and I got to enjoy my nieces and nephews.  It was a great visit.  I love Christmas.
     We went to shrsh in Hatch, and Ryan and the kids sang.  They did a beautiful job.  Dill and Mo were naughty like usual.  Dill kept reaching into the plant in the hall and spreading dirt everywhere.  I took them into a closed classroom to play, but Mo felt too confined, and began yelling under the crack in the door for someone to come and rescue him.  It was disasterous, but classes were enjoyable and I got to help my mom teach her lesson in Young Womens.




     I feel terrible that it has been so long since I updated my blog.  My life has largely been a nightmare since my last update, and for whatever reason, I hesitated to write it down.  I guess that writing it down makes it real.  There are times that I can almost convince myself that it is all just a dream, but I know that it isn't.  I also know that I need to record what has happened, and how it has affected me and our family.
     On January 26th I started to panic.  Ryan had been in Oregon for almost a month, and he wasn't really good at checking in with me.  We knew that all of our conversations were being listened to, and he was way busy.  This made me mad sometimes, and I must admit that I sent him a few angry text messages.  I also threw a few dishes, which my cute Saggers calmly cleaned up without commenting on my crazy behavior.  He did get better though, and he began calling every evening so that we could have scripture study.  Anyhow, that evening, I began to see some postings on facebook that led me to believe that someone had been killed, and others arrested.  I began to panic.  Jasmine came home from a friend's house at about that time, and told me not to worry because she had spoken with him  an hour before about going to a friend's house.  He had given her permission to go, and she had gotten into a nice conversation with him.  She kept telling me that he was fine, but he was not answering his phone, not responding to my texts, and something just felt off.  I hit my knees, and really began going a little bit crazy inside.  Information slowly began coming over my facebook feed.  Still nothing that I knew for sure.  I left messages for Ryan to call.  I began to panic.  I finally got a phone call from Lisa.  She told me that Ammon had somehow managed to call her from the back of a law enforcement van.  The FBI had murdered LaVoy, and had shot Ryan, but that he was going to be ok.  This was terrible news.  I knew that they would dress Ryan's wound and take him into custody, and LaVoy dead?  Shocking, and painful.  He was a person who always made me smile.  He had come and supported our family in our darkest hours.  I had the utmost respect for anyone brave enough to ride a horse in our stand-off.  He had taken a similar stand, and had been with our family all the way.  He was a great speaker.  Better, (should I say it?) than all of the Bundy's.  He just had a very good way about him, and he could speak better to an audience that may not understand where we were all coming from.  He had been a wonderful friend too.  Because of my stress, my house had become sheer pandemonium as I shared with them the information from the phone call.  Wailing is what ensued.  I am talking full blown wailing from my younger girls.  I was trying really hard to stay calm.  I tried to tell them that things were going to be ok, that we had great family support, that if any family could handle all of this, ours could.
     The wails didn't stop.  Dawn Lee texted me at that moment.  She asked if there was anything that she could do for us.  I looked around at my crying children, and asked her if Charlie could come and give us all a Priesthood blessing.  We needed the peace of the Lord desperately at that time.  They were at the house quickly.  At that moment a knock came at the door.  My Bishop was standing on our porch looking really confused.  The kids and their wails could clearly be heard in the back ground.  He said "I was told that I need to be here, but I don't know why."  I began crying harder, as I thanked him for listening to the spirit.  He said, "No I just walked in the door from work, and my wife told me that I needed to get over to the Bundy's house...here I am, but I don't know what you need."
I then explained to him, what had happened.  He gave us all a hug, and the men began with my little Salem, and switched off giving us all blessings.  Peace flooded the house.  We were told that Ryan would heal, and come home, we were told that he was a good man who was standing for what he believed.  We were told that our home would a place of peace and refuge.  We were told that Jesus was bigger than the situation, and that He would be there to comfort and help us through.  I will forever be grateful for the Priesthood, and for the Bishop, and Charlie Lee for helping us that night.  We were definitely not dealing well.
     My mom called my attention to something that brought me a ton of peace at that time too.  In the Book of Mormon there is a story in Ether that speaks about a people who have to get in barges to cross an ocean.  It is similar to Noah's ark, and the time that Nephi and his family crossed the waters.  These were tight barges that must have been completely enclosed because the issue of light comes up later.  Anyhow, the people were going to go into these barges and completely be at the mercy of the Lord for...well, they had no idea how long.  I am sure they were really scared.  What if we take on water, sink in a storm, go stir crazy in the confinement etc. was probably going through their heads as they faced days and months at the mercy of God.  In Ether 2:25 the Lord tells the people, "And behold, I prepare you against these things;  for ye cannot cross this great deep save I prepare you against the waves of the sea, and the winds which have gone forth, and the floods which shall come."  In the midst of it all, I had to believe that the Lord had prepared Ryan and I for the separation, and the hard ship.  Ryan has never had life easy.  He has dealt with difficult challenges his whole life.  I do believe that the Lord prepared us against these things...He has definitely helped me every day.  That help has come so very often by the actions of other people.  Virgin Valley has some of the best people in it, and my family...I will never forget how they have helped me every day.
     In the mean time, I have done a few interviews, and been kept extremely busy by the kids and all of their stuff.  It never ends...ever.  The other day, I had decided that I was going to take a quick bath because I had to actually fix my hair so that I could be somewhere.  I started the water going, and immediately began cleaning something as I waited for some water to fill the tub.  I had noticed a few stacking blocks thrown in the tub from the kids and their last bath.  I didn't think too much about it, but what I did not know was that there were graham crackers hidden and dispersed amongst those blocks...it made for a very watery, and crummy bath that was not too pleasant.  Without Ryan around, the kids act up too.  I am sure that they are suffering greatly, but Dad was so good at keeping the kids in line.  When he said something, he meant it, and priveleges were removed for disobedience.  I have really had to step up my parenting game.  He has been sorely missed.  Chloee comes home from school and cries daily.  Jasmine cries a lot, Oak, and Moroni need discipline, and I just miss my best friend.  It has all been very difficult.
     A few events that have taken place in the meantime.  Cliven flew up to Portland, to see what he could do.  There were a few brave hold-outs in the resource center, and they were afraid to come out for obvious reasons.  Many had been arrested at this point.  As Cliven flew into the airport, he was arrested immediately.  This sent another wave of sorrow through the family.  Cliven was really keeping me going.  He was key to helping me with some of my tractors that were being rented out for income, and he was good at keeping my kids happy and content.  That was a terrible blow.  Carol has been amazing though, and Arden graduated early so that he could run the ranch.  It is so sad, but Arden has taken these responsibilities seriously. 
     Before Cliven got arrested we also attended LaVoy's funeral.  That was a day that I wanted so badly to come so that I could somehow comfort his family.  He had taken attention away from my husband and had saved his life.  I wanted to badly to show his kids our family so that they could see what, in part, their dad had died protecting.  Well, we arrived and the funeral was bigger than anything I have ever seen.  There were people lined up all over the place, hoping to get in to see the Finnicum family.  I of, course was not as early as I had hoped to be, and was really worried that I wouldn't make it in there.  Finally, I grabbed my three older girls and we were sneaky enough to enter a back way.  I walked away feeling such peace and comfort by their family.  The girls and I stood before LaVoy's body and sobbed.  I kept recalling the last time that I had been in his presence, and I wished that I had somehow hugged him and thanked him for what he was about to do.  The funeral was beautiful.  There were people standing around in every room, and holding up every wall.  Grown men and burly types sobbed as his kids recalled his life, and as the plan of salvation was taught.  It was a very good day.  I love, and will always love LaVoy and the Finnicum family.






     A new year, and a crazy life to put it mildly!  Our New Years was way quiet this year, and I can honestly say that Ryan was snoring soundly at 7:30.  Wams went to the youth dance that was held in Ivins, and the kids stayed up watching spooky movies.  I was touched though, because a few years ago, the kids had spent new years paryting with Cliven, and he was who they wanted to party with.  He actually did invite them down to party with him, but I also knew that he hadn't been feeling very well, and so I told them that they could stay home.  They didn't seem to mind our quiet New Years celebration too much.  I am usually tired of partying by the time that New Years hits.
     Right after New Years, we were contemplating having Ryan go to Oregon.  Ammon had been trying to help a family up there that had been abused by the BLM for years.  They were supposed to report to federal prison for the second time for the same crime.  Anyhow, all of the atrocities are way too much to even cite here, but needless to say, Ammon had felt like he should get involved.  They were holding a peaceful protest the day before the Hammonds were supposed to report.  Anyhow, Ryan and I got up one morning during Christmas break and went to the temple.  We had a great session, and I felt like Ryan should probably go.  He felt the same way, and when he called Ammon, he actually asked Ryan to come up.  So, that was that.  He was supposed to be gone for three days and I packed him a small bag.  The kids and I said our goodbyes and he rode up with Booda and LaVoy Finicum and a few others.  A peaceful protest made me a little nervous because Ammon had been recieving death threats since getting involved.  I was anxious, to hear from him.  The next morning, Jazz was supposed to go and help set up pig pens for the county fair that is coming up in the spring.  It went toward her service project for 4-H.  I was a little nervous because my van had been running crappy, but I knew that Cliven or Arden would come and rescue me if need be.  Anyhow I was trying not to be a nervous wreck, but I was grateful for the work.  It was physical and a lot of lifting and putting pens together like jig-saw puzzles.  It was a beautiful distraction.  The Lee's were there and they offered to keep Jazz so that she and Kinzlee could hang out for the day while they went and picked up their show pigs for the fair.  I ended up riding home alone.  Before I left, I texted Ryan and asked how things were.  I told him to stay warm and to stay safe.  I get a text back that stated that it was going to be next to impossible to accomplish either one of those requests.??? I knew it was -8, so I understood the cold thing, but since when is a peaceful protest dangerous?  I had tried to tell myself that it wasn't.  I got a flurry of demanding texts from him for the rest of the afternoon instructing me to get our life insurance back in order.  We had been trying to get a new policy, and everything was in place except for the payment.  I calmly explained that I was sure he could take care of all of that when he returned...it was a Saturday, after all.  More and more angry and demanding texts to take care of it one way or another.  Of course, this had me way unsettled...what in the world was going on???  I did get it taken care of, thanks to Bailey and her assistance.  Needless to say that my nerves were shot wondering what in the hay was going down.
     Next thing I know, is that I hear news reports that the Bundy's and some militia members have taken over a federal building....yeah, not what I had planned for him.  He, Mel, and Ammon had come to a federal building.  The doors were open, and the heat was on.  It was not posted anywhere that it was illegal to trespass, and so they went in and occupied the place.  Next thing I know...all heck has broken loose.
    Just for posterity purposes, I would like to say, that I believe in our stance at Bundy ranch wholeheartedly.  I had had years to prepare and gear up for it, and when our stand-off happened, I was way surprised at all of the people that showed up to help and all of the media hype that it got.  Well, this was crazier because people (myself included) just didn't see it coming.  It was all I could do, the next day to keep from hyperventilating.  We were having a family fast over the situation, and I just couldn't calm myself down.  I couldn't listen to the news reports or deal with what was going on.  I finally just blocked it all out, and took my kids to shrsh.  The kids were clueless about the situation to a large degree.  I had asked all of them that were over eight to pray and fast with me about the Oregon situation, but yeah, they didn't understand the weight of things for sure.  They were still naughty and I had to about bap Jazz and Oak on the head for fist fighting in Sacrament meeting.  I put on a nice and quiet front even though I was dying to know what was going on with my husband.  No one at church said a word to me, even though I knew that the happenings in Oregon were all over the news.  When I was getting ready to leave, a brother in the ward stopped me and informed me that he and his boys were going to come over that afternoon and chop my wood for me.  I immediately had to leave because it made me cry.  I hate asking anyone for help, and I was out of chopped wood.  I was way touched, and way grateful when he showed up and stacked my chopped wood neatly by the cement wall. I was grateful that he listened to the spirit, and didn't just wonder what was needed...he didn't make excuses because it was the Sabbath or anything.  He just showed up, and took care of it.  I had gone out and tried to chop the wood myself because I am so stubborn.  My next plan was to ask Arden for help, but I will forever be grateful for Brother Easton and his response to the spirit.
     As the next few days crawled by, I heard from Ryan a few times.  Our conversations were very guarded because he figured that we were being listened to.  The church came out with a statement about the fact that they had not sanctioned the Oregon situation.  This upset me to a large degree because I know that the church is true and I wholeheartedly sustain the prophet.  I also calmed down, and understood why they had said what they did...I mean, they can't have all of it's members coming out and taking over federal buildings after all.  That day was way upsetting.  I would pray and feel peace and then something else would happen that would make me all anxious again.  I couldn't focus on anything, and my laundry and dishes began to pile up.  All of this time, I had numerous people offer assistance and help.  My brother Gary called and offered his wife to come and help me, and looking back, I wished I would have taken him up on it.  I just hate people having to leave home for me after all.  Anyhow, I did calm myself and finally begin to feel the calm and peace of the spirit.  I do have to say that my neighbors and ward members began to step in and help with all kinds of things.  I was way touched because some of them, I know don't understand or even support some of the things we are doing.  That didn't stop people from praying for us and assisting me where they could see a need.  The Lee's brought me dinner that week, Bailey brought me pizza one night, and Jodi Hughes also dropped off dinner a night.  Jodi also watched my children and so I could attend the temple.  That temple session was incredible.  I felt a stronger spirit that day, then I have felt in a long time.  Joy Haviland attended with me, so I wouldn't be alone.  Good people everywhere.
     On Tuesday evening I had a huge scare.  Ryan texted and asked me to gather the family to pray.  I immediately did so.  This brought me anxiety because I wondered why.  A half hour later he asked me to spread it far and wide that fervent prayers were desperately needed.  I once again, gathered the kids, and prayed.  I had each of them take turns saying a prayer, and then I urged them to pray again for their dad individually.  I also posted it on the Bundy family communication site, and I posted it on facebook.  I was a basket case because I didn't know what was going on, but I knew something was very wrong.
     About that time Bailey texted me to check on me.  I asked her if Josh was home, and could possibly give me a blessing.  She needed one too because she is pregnant and her blood pressure was through the roof.  Her doctor told her that she needed to lower the stress level in her life somehow.  She did not have a clue how to calm herself down.  Anyhow, she told me that Josh was working late, but that Colton Teerlink had offered her one earlier.  I told her to ask if he would give us both one.  She texted back and said that he was willing.  Wams had taken the van but was on her way home, and I began walking to Bunkerville.  A light rain had been falling all week, and it was a beautiful night.  I tried to calm my nerves as I quickened my pace on the state road.  Finally she showed up and picked me up.  We went to Bailey's house and I left Wams and Sags in the car because they had studying to do, and because I wanted to shelter them somewhat from the severity of the situation.  Shem, Cheryl, Megan and Colton were already waiting for my arrival.  Shem pronounced a blessing on my head, and he blessed me with peace, with the ability to take care of my children, listen to the spirit, and carry on.  He blessed me to be able to sleep ( I had yet, to get hardly any since the incident went down) and he also told me that what was happening in Oregon was in God's hands, and that He would take care of things.  As soon as his hands hit my head, I felt the peace I had been seeking, and it strengthened me from that point on.
     Another day, I get a bill from Chloee's back pack.  It is from the school explaining that I owed them $2.00 for a lunch or a breakfast somewhere.  Now, I feed my kids breakfast every day, and I always pack them a lunch.  Sometimes those lunches end up hidden in various parts of my house if Chlo decides she doesn't want to eat them, but they are sent with one every day just the same.  I called the school to inquire further.  I asked them if they had served a plate of cheetos for lunch one day because otherwise, I couldn't imagine Chloee eating whatever it was that they  had served.  I finally asked Chlo and she confessed that she had wanted a bowl of cereal one morning.  Whatever Chlo...I knew that you would have been way too scared to try any of their cafeteria dishes.  Two dollars definitely wasn't worth fighting over, but I knew that there had to be more to that story.
     Mo has been on a toast kick.  One day he asked me for a piece of toast, and I was busy getting Dilly down, and so I explained to  him how to place a piece of bread in the toaster.  I told him that once the bread had popped up, I would explain how to butter it, and put some cinnamon and sugar on it.  Well, he was thrilled with the toasting part.  He was putting piece after piece in and putting them all over the house.  He never tried to put anything on the toasted bread, and so yeah, we just had unwanted toast all over the place.  Needless to say, that it wasn't helpful on my bread supply.  Another day, he begged for a piece of toast with jelly.  So,  I toasted a fresh piece of bread and put some pomegranite jelly on it.  He threw a huge fit, and explained that he didn't want the jelly on the toast...he wanted it in a bowl so he could eat it on the side.  I had to just walk away from that whole situation.  I mean, what kind of a mom would hand their kid a bowl of jelly?  Since Ryan has been gone he has insisted on sleeping by me with his stuffed elephant too.  Yeah, I don't have too much ability to argue with him much.



     Well, winter is here, and I am trying to get in to the Christmas spirit now that Thanksgiving is over...and it was a great and quiet Thanksgiving.  We spent it with a few of the family at the ranch along with Booda and our Skipper friend.  Skipper's son was there and he is Oak's age, and they really hit it off.  They were all over the ranch, and had a nice shooting session in the afternoon with their Dad's.  It was a great day, with Cliven and Carol, Duane and Ivona, and a few others.  I love Thanksgiving a ton.
     Anyway.... back into our daily routine after our nice break.  There has been a problem as of late with some of our cattle in Bunkerville.  They have been moseying around in people's yards, eating their landscaping, and they have even made an appearance on the elementary school lawn, looking all dumb and out of place.  Ryan set a trap, just right outside our house here at Mikkelsen's and for a few nights we caught multiple head every night.  One morning we caught some, and Ryan loaded them up in the horse trailer late at night so that he could drop them off at the ranch in the morning.  I was unaware of all of this, and where does he park the trailer?  Yep, right outside our bedroom window.  In the middle of the night I hear some loud banging noises.  I woke up, and was positive that some of the kids were trying to move the piano down the stairs.  I woke Ryan up, and asked him if he could hear all of the furniture being moved.  He groggily explained that it was just the cows stomping around in the trailer...makes sense.  It makes way more sense than the kids moving the piano at 4 am, but with my kids, ya never know.
     Ryan got a new calling on Sunday that is going to keep him busy as all get out...he is the new Elder's Quorum President in our ward.  He will do such a marvelous job, I just know it.  My husband has one of the best hearts of anyone that I know.  I am excited for him...excited and a little nervous...he is way busy already.  One of the things that the Stake President blessed him and told him was to be wrong about people on the side of mercy.  He has called counselors, one of them being an uncle of his that I don't know very well, and they are excited to serve the people in the ward.
     Mo was his usual squirmy and disruptive self in shrsh last week.  He wallered all over my lap, which wasn't good because my dress only came to my knees...with all of the wallering, I had to stop him and readjust my dress over and over.  He then came up with a plan to place his nose on mine for the entire meeting.  This was way uncomfortable, to have him breathing heavily in my face and his eyes and face on mine all close up.  He would not quit doing it either.  I finally got desperate and asked Jazz to take him out for a drink of water in hopes that he would be distracted from his nose on nose obsession.  It did work...wallering without all of the face to face contact commenced.
     This week we have had a series of odd messes.  I bought a package of toilet paper the other day, and made the mistake of leaving it on the counter so that it could be put away.  Mo and Dill took an entire roll, while I was upstairs and had a hayday with it.  Of course, I try to be economical and buy huge rolls and so yep, the mess was large and deep.  To top it off, Mo had gotten into some homemade rolls and had tried to eat one with a pair of tweezers...this left a crummy mess amongst all of the toilet paper.  I was just trying to make myself appear presentable in my room for a short time because Wames had a performance at a basketball half-time.  It never pays off to step out of the picture for a moment, that is for sure!  Dill has also become obsessed with Ryan's collection of bullets.  She loves the neat and tight packages they come in, and she loves to dump and scatter them all over the floor.  Especially the .22 bullets.  She will play and play with a set of those...pulling them out of their little spots one by one.  I will clean them up, and she will scatter them over and over again.  Sweet Little Dill!  My house would be way cleaner without your help!  Just to give my little Mo some praise, he is a champ at cleaning the bullets up and sticking them in their nice spots...Mo really should get more credit.  I need to praise him for the good, because he does do plenty of it.
     Last night Wames had a performance and so I was trying to get dinner going so that I could leave the family happy while I was gone...I started steaming some butternut squash, and I fried up some yummy venison steaks.  I ran upstairs for a short time to get ready, and yeah, the kids sat around and let the squersh sit there and fry without water....I mean, it smelled awful, and smoke going everywhere.  It was my fault for not checking it sooner, but they were right there reading, and doing homework as smoke and stinky burned smell poured off of the stove.  Sooo, I had to clean up that mess, and go to the game probably smelling strongly of burnt squash.  I tried to sit in my own section, and I wore a coat with perfume, in the hopes that the burnt squash smell would contain itself somehow.  Luckily no one seemed to notice...or they were nice enough not to say anything.  Wames and her team danced beautifully...I was super proud of them.  Rooshkie went with me, but ended up with a crowd of her giggling secret friends.  Rooshkie has been struggling getting her kick line down, and so Wamzerz is going to help her with that tonight...that is what I love, when my kids help each other!