Needless to say that yet again, I am feeling extreme guilt for not updating since February.  So much has happened since then, and with Ryan still incarcerated, I have spent most of any time that I can spare writing to him.  So much has happened though, and it has been a bumpy ride.  One thing I have learned though, is that this is helping me grow, and learn to let my Heavenly Father guide because I really have zero control over most of the stuff that happens.  Ryan is an incredible man, and he makes bold filings and makes bold choices concerning the court, and it makes me extremely nervous.  I have zero control over what he does.  He feels confident that he is being led by the spirit, and I cannot sway him from that, but it has led to many sleepless nights.  Nights in where I wonder and worry about how I am going to support and raise the kids all by myself if that is what God requires.  But, when I am close to the spirit, I really feel like Ryan will be home soon.  Well, soon in God's eyes, and He and I have completely different ideas about what soon really means.  That is the scariest part...not having control, and trusting in God.  I trust my Heavenly Father, but sometimes the paths He leads me down, is not easy...and that is an internal struggle. But, isn't that what this life is for?  Learning to let go, and allowing the Lord to make more of you, then you could ever possibly make of yourself.
     So much happened throughout the spring and summer, and I can honestly say that through the actions and service from others, I see miracles every day.  And most days, something happens to shatter my heart to pieces again.  It is such an emotional roller coaster. 
     One day in early spring, we were having a crazy day.  It was Jamie's drill team review, and Jerusha had a drill team picnic for an end of season party.  My parents were up, and it was an insane day.  Oak kept hounding me for the opportunity to have some friends over, and it was just unbelievable that he was even asking that of me.  Finally I agreed to take him to the drill team picnic because it was being held at the park, where he could ride his bike.   A few of his friends happened to be there, but they were playing baseball with their dad and uncles.  He kept wondering if they would want to ride their bikes with him, but I instructed them to leave them alone, because they were playing ball with their dads.  Finally, he just sighed, and went and stood at the fence, and watched them.  It was the saddest, most pitiful thing I had ever seen, and I just started crying for him.  He needed male attention and interaction from those dads, and yet I doubted if they would even notice.  I was wrong...and I am so grateful I was wrong.  One of the dads, a gentleman by the name of Quinton Averett noticed Oak standing there alone, and invited him to come and play with them.  It was just what he needed, even though he had never played baseball before.  He learned quickly though, and Quint asked if I would put him on his baseball team for little league that year.  He and the other coach, Coach Perry, who happen to be police officers in the town, really helped Oak, during that time. 
     Coach Perry also became Oak's football coach, along with several other outstanding men from the community.  One of those men was Josiah Jensen, and he is a cousin to Ryan.  Football was just what Oak needed, and although the interaction with the coaches, and other boys in little league was great, football is definitely his sport.  He is extremely aggressive and played defense.  He made a ton of extremely important tackles.  I loved watching him play, and I really loved how some of the Jensen's made me feel during that time.  I was so lonely, and so nervous, and I know the Bundy's well, but the Jensen's are an incredible family too. 
     I also need to discuss all that went in to finding and purchasing my home. 
Mikkelsen's were incredible to let me stay as long as they did.  They kept telling me that they were fine living in their own basement, and yet I knew when Jacob came home to stay for several months, that he was sleeping on the couch.  They welcomed him home in the basement of their own home for crying out loud, and they all had to cram in the basement.  In spite of all of that, they never once made me me feel like I was unwanted or a burden.  Never once did they raise their voice at my kids or lose their patience.  But, I had many restless nights wondering what in the heck I was going to do.  I was worried sick.  The banks would not loan to me, no one would co-sign with me, and basically I had about half of the money I needed to purchase any kind of home in the valley.  Rent is absolutely out of control as well.  I was in a very precarious situation.  I envisioned parking the van by the river and just living there.  Not good thoughts.
     The Perkins family in the ward was selling their home in Bunkerville.  I inquired about it because I knew it was bigger than the standard 3 bedroom 2 bath deal that was typical of most places.  It was way beyond my price range and I found myself discouraged once again.  I prayed and fasted, and fasted and prayed.  I tried not to complain to Ryan because I knew that there was absolutely nothing that he could do to help me. 
     Well, it just so happened that Brother Perkins was selling another home in the valley.  He had not even put it on the market yet, and Carol had heard about it.  She asked him if he would possibly be willing to finance me on it.  At first he said "no" and then he changed his mind.  This was also a bigger home, but it was older and extremely run down.  Carol and I came and walked through it, and it needed a ton of work, but honestly, what were my options at that point?  I was really concerned because hey, I am not handy like the guy I married, and in order for it to be livable, it was going to need some work.
     I went to the temple to pray about it.  I had some incredible and strong feelings about several subjects in the temple that day.  One was an overwhelming sense of gratitude from our Heavenly Father for Ryan's willingness to be obedient no matter what the cost.  God does not like to see His children suffer, and yet it is sometimes necessary in order to bring about change.  I also got an overwhelming yes on buying the house.  I was told that many people would come together to make the house a home, and that the women of the family would have something else to focus on rather than our lonely world without our men.  I felt like I should do what was necessary to make the house kid and teenager friendly so that he kids would want to hang out.   I called Brother Perkins as soon as I got out, and asked him if he was still willing to sell the home to me, and finance me.  He is a good man, knew the desperate situation that I was in, and readily agreed.  Whew...what a relief. 
     So, right after the Bundy reunion, papers were signed, and I was handed the keys.  The first problem was that the front door was broken.  My home teacher, Brother Bunker said that he was really good at hanging doors, and had offered to go with me to the Home Depot to pick one up.  So, that was the first step.  I went and picked out a front door, and he hung it.
     Bj Soper is an awesome Bundy supporter from Oregon.  He called and informed me that he was in the business of remodels and offered to give me a week of his time and talents.  He drove clear down from Oregon with his truck (he needed his tools because Ryans had all been stolen at that point)  He showed up on a Monday morning and just went to work.  Brother Bunker was also there that morning, and we began scraping up leftover linoleum off of the kitchen floor.  Bj began patching walls, and removing old panel board.  He textured walls, laid flooring in the kitchen and bathrooms, fixed faucets, and hung some kitchen pantry doors. 
     Ryans paint sprayer was missing.  I called my friend Alan Curtis and asked if I could borrow his sprayer.  He paints for a living, and he readily agreed to just come and paint the house for me.  We used his account to buy paint, and he came and started taping and spraying.  Things were coming
together nicely and quickly with their help.  Cheryl picked a bathroom and fixed it up, and then Bailey and Molly picked a bathroom and fixed it up.  Stetsy, Bailey, and Carol, along with Ivona, did my kitchen cabinets.
     I cannot tell you how much Mikkelsen's helped.  Ned Mikkelsen worked with my most days, installing tile, doing floor boards, and trim and doing dry wall fixes.  I cannot say enough about how blessed I was to have their help.  Shem Teerlink was a ton of help too.  He shook his head at the messes, and always dug in to help.  Some kind of a critter had filled some of my walls with dirt.  That was a huge mess, and yet Shem just hauled bucket after bucket of dirt out the door.  I have the best friends and neighbors.  I am very blessed.
     So, every day during our summer break, we would show up at the house and work most of the day.  People would stop and help if they saw my car in the driveway.  Gary paid for my carpet, and I had to scramble to find someone to help me get it installed.  I love my home.  I love that it is mine, and that everywhere I look, I see the evidence of selfless service. We got moved in a few days before school started.  As much as I despise being in town, the middle school is within walking distance, and its way easy for the kids to make it to functions.  We are easily on the way home from just about anywhere.
     Oak also decided that he wanted to play football.  This was a huge blessing.  He absolutely loved every minute of it.  The practices wore him out quite a bit, and he was teasing the other kids less.  He was also very good at it.  One night, he got the player of the game.  He was only on the defensive team, and was very aggressive at tackling the ball handlers.  I loved following him around and watching him.